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A big part of it, I feel like is recognizing and accepting and working through each other's weaknesses as well. And in a loving way, because it's not sexy to tell your spouse, hey, you kind of suck at this, let's do this different. Because we still have to, you would do that in a work environment, maybe. You'd be like, hey, listen, we're really struggling in this area, we need to work on this type of thing. When you say that to your wife though, she's like, what?
Do you want to eat today? It's different, it's different. And you cannot separate the two. She is never just my work partner or just my wife. She's always both.
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They have been married for over 20 years. They've raised two beautiful children. They have run multiple businesses throughout the years and have been through just the craziest up and downs. You know, the moment I decided to do this podcast, I knew that I wanted to have them on right.
Not just because of their success as entrepreneurs. They currently are running Fathering Autism on YouTube, a YouTube channel that has almost three-quarters of a million followers. They are doing some amazing work. They're educating, empowering, and normalizing families with autistic children. Priscilla also runs a very successful beauty business where she sells skincare and makeup. She's one of the top sellers globally there, and Asa is very involved in her business there as well. You know, I can go on and on and on about all the entrepreneurial lessons that these two individuals have to share with us, but why I really wanted to speak to them was because I was fascinated with how they managed to accomplish all that together as a couple while still liking each other.
I mean, let's face it, relationships are difficult enough without all of that, but they, these guys have been doing it for years and running their businesses together.
02:37
And I really wanted to get into the nitty-gritty of how do they still you know, how do they handle conflicts? How do they stay in love with each other? How do they still keep, you know, the balance in their relationship? There's just so many nuggets and so many lessons from this interview. And I'm really, really excited that we could share this with you today.
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I am so excited to talk to you guys about this. It's actually a conversation that I've been wanting to have with you guys for a while. Because now I'm in a relationship right now and it's been a year and we're at that point where we're starting to build our lives together and think about the future and get into planning and we're starting to think about, well, how do we work together? And we both have these visions and how do you bring them together? And I think that this is something that a lot of couples strive for, but don't necessarily do well.
And so I thought it'd be really fascinating to talk to you guys, number one, cause I want to learn all your tips and tricks, but I do think that people, this is something that challenges people. Like how do you co-create together, raise kids together, run businesses together, and like, be your husband and wife, maintain the romance, like all of that, right? Like it's a huge bag of things to work on. And still like each other. And still like each other, right?
I mean, it's challenging enough to still like each other when you don't have all that stuff going on, right? But how do you still like each other when all that stuff is going on? So let's go to the beginning. Like how did, I want to hear, like, how did you guys meet and like, when does your story start before we jump into all this stuff? Like give me, give me some of that background. The quick, the quick version. Okay, the quick version. We're, because we're kind of an anomaly.
So it's a funny story. But we met in, we met in December of year 2000 summer 2001 we got married March 2001. Wow. Yeah, three months. Three months. Yeah. Did you get engaged? February. Okay, so we've been married for 22 years. Our son is 22. So it worked. We both come from divorced families and stuff like that. We're like nah. We're sticking this out.
We've had our, definitely had our ups and downs. We've been through it together and we decided to, we decided that we work better together, get through things. Um, well, and a big part of it. Okay. So we were 19 when we met and got married and Asa was in the Coast Guard and we met in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Okay. What were you doing there?
05:21
So I was visiting my parent. I grew up in Guantanamo Bay. Okay. And went to all my high school there. And I was visiting my parents from college for Christmas break. And his boat pulled in, because he was in the postcard, he wasn't stationed there. And we met. And we hung out for 18 days while he was there. And just got to know each other. And then I went back to college in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. And he was stationed in Portsmouth, Virginia at the time.
And he would travel every weekend to come and see me for those two months. Um, we weren't supposed to be in Guantanamo Bay for 18 days, but our bro, or we went out and our boat broke down. We had to come back in. Did you break the boat down? If that's what my dad said, the same thing your dad said, because he was like, Oh yeah, yeah. My dad said the same thing. Yeah. So yeah, so.
So you're both, so you're already in the Coast Guard, you're in college, so you guys get married and how did you, when did you start living together or did you finish college at that point? Like, what did, how did that, what did that look like? I did not finish college. I moved from Myrtle Beach to Virginia. We lived in Hampton at the time. Asa went and found us a house, which when you're in the military, you get housing allowance. And so I moved there.
But right, what, two weeks after we got married, Asa left to go underway on deployment. So here I am, pregnant, 19, don't know anything about anything. I was super naive and only child kept calling my mom. I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. Like, I don't know how to do any of this. We're broke, like so broke. I mean, you made what, $20,000 a year? I don't know, not even that. Oh God.
Like, can you even imagine like, no, what is that going to do for anybody? So we had a princess, like our first in our living room, we had the backseat out of my Jeep Wrangler and as our couch and we had a milk crate with the TV on it. Cause I lived in the barracks before that. Yeah. That was, that was basically our, our setup when we first moved out. Cause like Priscilla said, like I went underway. I had to leave as soon as we got married. Yeah.
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So then my mom came to visit and helped decorate the house. She's like, what do you want to do? I'm like, I don't really know him. I don't even know what he likes. And so we go to the store and we're looking around. We're like nautical, he's in the Coast Guard. We'll do the whole house in nautical theme. Great. We still have some of that decor. We have like a picture with Coast Guard knots. We have lighthouse everything, blue and white, like stripe.
We went crazy with the nautical thing. So it's wild to think about how little we knew about each other then to being with each other every moment of every day now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and not really in a position where you could get in to know each other very well too, because you were off, right, like you made the Fuse commitment and then you were off again and you're like, okay.
So Priscilla, what were you starting to do at this point? Like where you, I mean, you have a baby. Did you just stay at home for a while? Was like, was there- Yeah, so I was, so I had to go on bed rest. I had a really hard pregnancy with Isaiah. And so I was on bed rest and I stayed home with him up until we got transferred from Virginia to Oregon when he was eight months old. So we moved out to Oregon and then Asa had to go underway again.
And that's when I kind of decided I was like, I love my child, but I am not meant to be a stay-at-home mom. Like I need something for me. Like it was just very draining on me because I had him 24 seven because he was gone. And so I knew no one. So we actually made the decision to put Isaiah in like a home daycare. And I worked at an auto store, like an auto dealership as their title clerk. And so I did that.
Monday through Friday, like eight to five. And I loved it. It fulfilled me. And then I still got to have Isaiah in the afternoons and the evenings. And it just gave me what I needed. So never finished college. Still have not. It just wasn't in the cards for us at that time. So moved back to North Carolina after, which is where Asa is from, after he got out of the Coast Guard. So after four years, we kind of decided as a family, this wasn't the lifestyle for us.
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He didn't want to keep missing milestones for Isaiah. It was a lot on me and I was just like, I don't know for us. And it just wasn't. Yeah. So he got out of the Coast Guard and we lived in North Carolina at the time and he was working at a motorcycle shop being a mechanic. And I went to work for Lowe's and I was actually in their management training program. I started as cashier, worked my way up. And I loved it.
Like I loved all aspects of working for Lowe's. I think that we were, so we had an employee mindset, which is not, and I don't, none of the terms I like, we're just, we're different than that now. Like none of the terms I use are in a negative context at all, as far as like employee mindset, but we definitely had an employee mindset then, and we were always needing more, like, like having the dual income and all that was a big change from when we were in the coast guard, but it just wasn't.
It wasn't meeting our needs. We were constantly struggling. So that's when we started to dabble into like entrepreneurship, but it was always like some crafty side hustle that we were like, I should have just dealt drugs. It had been a lot more lucrative and a lot faster way instead of all these above board things trying to, I mean, it was like we did everything. Yeah. And I have to, and I have to give props to Asa cause my dad, like for our entire marriage, which they love Asa and
My dad said, I never have to worry about you guys going free because this man will make money like however he can. He is literally taking batteries to a battery place and getting the core from them, but like hundreds of dollars. He just so good about that kind of stuff. And so as a dad, I'm sure that's like comforting to know that your daughter's picked this guy. That was one of the things we forgot to mention when we were dating, right? For our 18 days of dating.
called my dad and I said, so my car got a flat tire. And Asa looked at me and he's like, I can change your tire. And my dad's like, he's the one, he's the keeper.
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So, but the night we met, I actually went home and told my mom I met the man I was gonna marry. Like I knew day one. Yep, day one. Wow. Okay, so let's go back to this entrepreneurial shift that's starting to happen, right? So first of all, I'm just dying to hear some of your side hustles because now I'm curious. So back then, back in the beginning, like Priscilla said, I was recycling batteries. I was doing scrap metal runs. I was like everything that I could.
I worked in a motorcycle shop and I'm like, y'all just, someone just comes, picks that up and they're not doing it for free. I know they're not doing it for free. They're not doing it because they're the kindness of their art. So I could take that. Like, I'm sure that's got a place it goes. And, and, because just random people are picking up scrap metal and, and battery, so I was doing that. And then I kind of, then we looked into, got a little bit into the world of flipping. I was like, wait, I can buy something from this person.
or a lot of times get it for free and then flip. And so that was way before like flipping was mainstream way before people flipping houses or anything like that. Or yeah, that, that Craigslist was huge back then. Yeah. I would take one man's trash, another man's treasure. Well, it was my paycheck. So that's how I treated pretty much everything. It was like, Oh, Christmas money. No problem. I got this and we go make 500 bucks and extra for Christmas. So.
always looking for a way up, never really looked at it as like a career. Entrepreneurship as a career was more of just a side hustle back then, because we were kind of stuck in that like security of having a weekly paycheck. Insurance and all those things. Cause at this point we had Abigail, our daughter. And so we were like, who does that? Who decides to go into the entrepreneur field of now we have to find our own insurance.
through a private market and all of those things are super scary. Yeah. More so when you have children, like to care for, not just us. Yeah. So then speaking of Abigail, she was diagnosed with autism at two years old and- And at this point we lived in Florida. Yeah. We had moved from North Carolina to Florida. Yep. Because we needed more. And good jobs available down here. We both worked out at the port. I was a mechanic at the port. So I worked car checker, eventually she worked up to management out there.
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a jacksport. So it's a shipping board, big barges and stuff coming in. And we had that job security once again. And I think our mindset really shifted them because it was like, we were circling the wagons because our child had just gotten a diagnosis. So it was like, okay, we need to, you know, double down on this. That became like our project, right? That became our side hustle was helping our child get the resources that she needed. So I was working like 70, 80 hours a week for Silla. At one point, she.
Did the stay-at-home mom thing for a while. Then I did the stay-at-home dad thing for a while. Like this is all over the course of a few years, different positions. I went to work for different companies and then it, and it got real bad. I got real antsy. I had a hard time not staying at a job if it wasn't fulfilling. If I wasn't able to spread my wings and make a large impact and big difference in the position. It was the joke of the family that he was a 90 day guy.
And I went from like, I went from like, staying in a company for years at to 90 days. It was like, if this does not Yeah, truthful. I knew my value, I guess was the big difference. Like instead of security, I knew what I was worth then because I was a seasoned mechanic. I knew how to run a shop I had run other people shops at so
But it sounds like something was also starting to bubble up. Like, it really sounds like you guys are really telling the story of how you were really caught in a survival of life, right? Just like getting by doing the thing, which is such a story that I think so many people can relate to. And then you start to get this urge, you start to get this inkling, and you can't articulate it. You can't really like, but you know something is like starting to go, okay, this is in it. This is in it. This is in it. This is in it.
Yes, I can really, I really get it. It's interesting too, because neither one of us come from families that have entrepreneur mindsets. Like none of our parents are like that, which I think that's a lot of their age, right? Where that generation is. Yeah, yeah. You go to work, you get your paycheck, you have your 401k. That's what you do. And so. We have four sets of parents between the two of us, so it has two sets, I have two sets. And so when we make a decision.
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It's so interesting because you're like, OK, we're going to call them first because we know they're going to give us that positive reinforcement that we're looking for. We're going to wait till last to call that appearance. And we're not going to we're not going to stay on here. Who's who? Yeah. But they know, they know that they're going to be the last people to call because they are not going to be on board with anything we're telling them. But.
We're not calling them for that either. We're just letting them know our plan. Yeah, I'm not asking for permission. I'm just telling you what we're doing. It's crazy. I know, but we're doing it anyway. So we get to the point where speaking of entrepreneurial stuff and side hustle, so our daughter had autism. She communicates with an iPad or has autism. She communicates with an iPad. She get breaking devices because kids are rough on stuff. I learned how to fix iPad screens. So one of my businesses was, I had named it in everything. It was iMobile Jacks.
And I was repairing iPhones and iPads and all that in the back office of our motorcycle shop that we then owned at the time. Like it was, there's always something. So I would work the front counter and I'm like, what are you here for? I'm mobile Jacks or AMP. Do you need your Harley tires or do you need your screen repaired? So we do it all. It's funny. It was always funny to see people come in and be like, this is.
I can get my phone. Listen, man, I got, I have bills. So, well, so what led up to our motorcycle shop, I had experience in a Honda shop when we were in North Carolina, working on a Honda shop, their ATVs, motorcycles, lawnmowers, water pumps, whatever. I'd worked on big diesel engines, stuff like that in the Coast Guard and all the big equipment you have out of Jack sport and everything. And I was working at a lawnmower dealer here in town and
I was the shop manager and I was really held back. It's not happy with not having those reins on me, keeping me at bay, and not allowing me to grow the shop and for this business owner. And I called Priscilla's like, babe, I, I can't do this, man. I, I gotta start my own thing. She's like, we'll stop talking about it and do it. Just do it. I was like, okay, bet. So I got off the phone with her. I went into the boss's office. I said, hey, I'm letting you know.
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I'm not happy. I'm not happy. I'm not going to do this anymore. I need from me before done. And he gave me a short list of things and I came back in about a half an hour later. I said, OK, I'm done. And I got him knocked out and he he's like, OK. So I called. So I was like, I did it. Just like you did what? I quit. You told me to just do it. I was like, no, I didn't know. Not like right this moment. Like.
Like, let's come up with our plan to make this happen because I want you to be happy. Like happiness. What's the timeline? Right. Not like 30 minutes from now. I'm literally in the grocery store and he's like, I did it. I'm like, you did what? Like I'm at home. So and also at that time, Asa was working in our garage in our fancy neighborhood because we lived in my parents' home. They went back to Guantanamo Bay because they're both civil service. So they got stationed back down there.
And we were living in their house in this fancy neighborhood. And he's in here at 2 a.m. working on lawnmowers and motorcycles in the garage. I sneak a man and shut the door with the garage door shut. And so he had a clientele. He had built that clientele up because he was doing it on the side. But it definitely wasn't enough to like keep us afloat. Yeah. And so I was like, oh, my gosh, what has he done?
So we cashed in Priscilla's 401k. We leased a space, we got business cards, and we still got enough. Mind you, in December. In December. A motorcycle and ATV and lawn mower repair shop we opened in December. I mean, we live in Florida, but still. It's not, like, it's still cold here. It's not the season. So we had- Way to back to play, Priscilla, though. Yeah, yeah. You just gotta, I just gotta shout that out for a second, because, like, way to back to play.
So and I'm sure Asa will talk about this later because we joke about it now He's like do you remember when we first got married and you just like went along with she was so quiet my things And like you were just so passive and yeah, and you didn't question anything and you didn't argue about where's that girl? I was like, oh hey, but I know where I'm stationed in, Virginia I had choices to choose from when I left a school I was a ghost guard. So we're moving to Oregon She's like, okay
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I guess now it's like, Hey, I would like to have baked potato on my dinner. We're not having baked potato. Okay. All right. Yes. Yes, ma'am. Um, so it's a lot has changed. She's got opinions and stuff. Um, but yeah, we, so we start this, we start this, Marzal. Yeah. And you're right. She backed me. She’s always backed me. I've, I've come to tears on that a few times because, you know, she's always like, Hey, can I do this? And I'm like, Ben, you've never told me. No, you've never told me. No.
So we started a motorcycle ATV business, it's December. It was December 31st before we made our first dollar. We went a month, a month. And a new shop, no money coming in. I was scared out of my mind. We're just like looking at each other, like what do we do now? But then by February, we had to double our space. Yep. We had to rent out another unit and expand and double our space.
following year, we had to go even bigger and go to a bigger space. So we did this for eight years, worked on motorcycles, ATVs, and lawnmowers. We have, I still get calls and text messages today. Like, Hey man, you still got the shop? Yeah. Because we had a good thing and a great customer base. People loved us. We provided a good service, not mechanics have that reputation. We, that's the one thing that we really stuck to was being straight up with our customers and providing you good service. And our kids grew up doing it. We were in the back office. We had a playroom set up for them. You're in the business now, Priscilla, too, right? You're. Yeah. I worked full-time at the front counter. I remember like because it was in my name and I remember these older men coming in and they're like, why need to speak to the owner? I'm like, well, you're speaking to her. And it's like it's kind of like a redneck area. Right.
Good old boys. Yeah, they're good old boys. They are not used to seeing a woman behind the counter at a motorcycle and ATV repair shop. And I'm like, double up on his price. No. She's like she come back like they need to speak to you. And I'd come out and say, what's going on? Like, well, I wanted to speak to them, to the guy in charge. And like, it's like her name's on the wall. That's that's our boss. I just turn wrenches.
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So yeah, it was, it was, it paid the bills. You ain't gonna get rich doing that kind of work because you're trading dollars for hours just like anything else, but it paid the bills. We were able to be around our kids. Silla was able to, she was doing side hustles like with shipped grocery shopping and stuff like that. Professional grocery shopper. I loved doing it. It brought me so much joy to go out and do things for people like that. And then that's when my PTA days started. So I became a full-time PTA.
A mom, and it just fulfilled my heart. Like being able to shut down the shop and go to a football game or Isaiah. She was playing football, playing pop Warner and stuff. Being able to go to all of Abigail's appointments with their doctors. Like that was worth so much to me. Uh, and, and that was really the. Really the beginning of it all was once we had done that for a couple of years, like I could never imagine going back to work for someone.
And having my time controlled trading our most valuable resource for. To get someone else rich. And that was not, that was not what I couldn't do it.
25:06
So how did you guys start to transition out of that to what was next? Well, our hand was forced. Well, as far as getting out of that, but as far as getting into something else, I had, I don't know, I guess like artistic these or something. I was always looking for something to do and, and something creative to do. I started writing a blog. Online and just kind of, it was like a
It was a good release for me. It was a way to express myself and just kind of put things out there. I would tell stories and write a blog about experiences as an autism dad, basically the world from my perspective. Uh, and it was like, my mom was reading it. Like nobody was paying attention. And then it kind of, it caught a little bit, it caught on a little bit online and a couple of people were starting, I was getting strangers commenting on it. I was like, Oh, it's like people out there that read this stuff. And I, I somehow, and I don't really remember.
what initially sparked my interest. But I started getting into video a little bit, like I would make. Edits of home videos and stuff like that. And just having fun with it, like, look at this, babe. She's like, that's cool. New obsession ADHD, so you obsess over this thing for right now. And I can't make a video. To play. She did. She did back to play. So I told her one day, I was like, you do these blogs, but video is so much more powerful of a media source.
you can reach a lot more people. I've got a few people that watch my stuff, read my stuff. I can make some YouTube videos and really educate people. We were big on autism awareness and acceptance and, and. And advocacy really, because we had a rough road with Abigail in the school system. And so it was like our passion project to help other people figure out, okay, I have a diagnosis for my child. Now what do I do? Because it's not like you're given a booklet of, here you go, here's what you do next.
Yeah. And so the resources at that time, Abby's 18 now. So the resources at that time were so limited. Yeah. And so, yeah, like you said, you were like, that was the wild, wild west. They were like, people just it was. Yeah. You just didn't know. And it's like you have these resources, some of them, you have access to them. But then, like, you can't pay for them because there are hundreds and thousands of dollars. And so we just wanted to kind of be like.
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a shining light for other people. Like, yes, you have a diagnosis. It's not the end of the world. It's going to be different, but this is how we can help you. And so with having the motorcycle shop, Priscilla, not only did she do shipped and full-time PTA, she was also full-time autism mom and finding all those resources and doing the research and banging on doors. And that she put everything into that and, and accumulated all these resources for Abigail. So we have the knowledge on how to do it and all that.
I was like, I can make, so like the first video I made was in September of 2016. And it was, what is an autism service dog? So I had our, my daughter's dog on the patio furniture outside with me with an iPhone six up on a tripod with a microphone ran to me and I talked about an autism and I created a YouTube channel based off of my blog, which was fathering autism and it, people watched it.
And then we just kept making videos off and on. We discovered after a little while that it was like it was easier to reach people instead of doing like sit down, talk videos and like informational stuff. If you entertain them, you can trick them into being educated or getting acceptance or whatever. By and so we started doing it. We like we're kind of funny. Let's do people kind of like us a little. So let's do a family vlog. And it's so funny. The first time I was like not back.
I was like, Hey, have you ever heard of vlogging? She's like, no, like, let me show you this. So I showed her, I think it was a Casey Neistat video. I'm like, what do you think? She's like, that looks dumb. I like people watch that. Like who wants to watch someone else's family like that? Then he says it's the ultimate people watching. I'm like, well, now you got me. I love to people watch. So, so we started this, we were doing vlogs off and on. I had no idea what I was doing. They're so cringy looking back.
Trying to be Casey and I was like, you're just trying to be somebody else. Yeah. Two space. So just trying to be cool. And it just kept going and kept growing. I remember, I remember in a parking lot outside of a restaurant, just in tears because we had 10,000 subscribers and it was like, it was turning into something. Yeah. We went two years making videos. Asa would make a couple of weeks and, but we weren't getting paid.
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Yeah, I was gonna ask you when you started monetizing this. Yeah. So we had not hit any thresholds to be able to monetize the YouTube channel. So he was just doing it out of the kindness of his heart, educating people, and it fulfilled him. Well, I was creating something, but I think that's a lot of the a lot of the entrepreneurial spirit there. When you do something new like that, the feeling of creating something is you can't spend it. But man, it means a lot.
It feels good to create something like that. And it's what's even crazier is it's one thing like you can be haphazard in like, OK, like we're Priscilla backing me. Like you said, you'll be haphazard in life. Just like, sure, do whatever. Sounds great. Let's put our 401k into this. Whatever. But long term for two years, where she's like, I point a camera at her and she's like, yep, that's what we do. But, you know, and at this point, did you know you were building
Were you trying to monetize or were you still just like, I love doing this, I want to help people or did you know that Nobody talks about how much money you make on YouTube. It's very hush hush. So I didn't even like, is it even worth it? We had no idea. No clue. No clue what it was like. And it varies greatly depending on what kind of content like if you make a YouTube channel about finances, your RPM is really high. So your rate per mil, how much you get paid per 1000 views.
Super high RPM on it. Gardening stuff and homesteading is really popular. Like that type of content makes gobs of money compared to like family vlogging. We don't have a specific topic other than specifically autism and raising a child on the autism spectrum. And there's just not a lot of advertisers out there. So you just, you don't know. It's a wide range is my point. We had no clue. We were more focused on the subscriber count because we knew like if you get to this amount then you get this whatever it is. I feel like, we had no idea. Yeah, the subscriber amount was a measurable way of like, these are the amount of people that were changed. These are the amount of people that are seeing our message and our whole mission is and always has been to make the world a softer landing place for people like our daughter. And that has been, we haven't fulfilled it yet, we're still going, we're not done, but that's always been our mission.
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hat we tell people all the time, because we do talk to people about getting into creating content online and stuff. It's like, have your why, have your focus be driven, be a passion, be a goal, a life goal, you know? The monetary side of it, that should be a byproduct of what you're creating and your reason. Yeah. Even if your why is to be able to provide stability for your family, that's not a dollar a minute.
Right. Stability for your family can mean that you have more time at home. So you're able to do another side hustle. So like it can mean a lot of things, but like I've always told people that the money should, if you focus on the money, you're, you're not going to win. It's, it should be a by-product. It should be the last metric that you look at. So I, I like to tell people like, imagine working on something for years and never getting a paycheck. Like, you have to really be invested at that point. And then when we did get our first paycheck.
It was one hundred and twenty five dollars for a month. And we were like, we've made it. Which obviously we still had the motorcycle shop at this time. Yeah. But then we were kind of forced out of that because the guy that owned the building. Well, it was a city thing that was that was after the taxes debacle. But then we had to work on rezoning. We're like, we don't own this building. Like, it's not worth the money for us to try to re-zone and do things that you're requesting. Because the city changed their laws basically. And you had to we didn't fit into the notch that we were around pegging the square hole as far as our building that we were in. And we're like, man, we've moved. This is our this is our second move, our third building. We're doing this for eight years like. There's just there wasn't available space in that part of town. They'd grown up a lot. And what they were getting for lease on properties was outrageous. Yeah. It's like I don't.
I don't know that we want to do this again. We were tired. I was tired of that business and it was exhausting and we kind of looked like, okay, we did the numbers and everything. What do we need a month to live? Like without a major hit on quality of life and, and we're not going to. Uh, and, and I granted, I knew I'd be able to put more time into the YouTube thing because we had started making money at this point and we looked at the numbers and we're like,
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Wow. The overhead for this business is outrageous. We really don't spend as much on ourselves as we thought we did. Let's do it. So we shut down the shop. We sold the assets. So we had money from that obviously, but we had a customer base. We had all of our equipment. We had a lot in that business that we were able to sell that created a nice little bubble for us, but we looked at what we needed to survive and we're like, we can do that on between YouTube and Facebook and monetizing.
Yeah, we didn't have time. So Facebook wasn't monetizing then. So yeah, so we jumped in again, we're still back to play. The thing she was like, that sounds dumb. All of a sudden that's our primary source of income going forward, so. So let's jump to the future now. So you have fathering autism, you have about 1.5 million people in your Facebook group.
70,000, 150,000 in your YouTube channel. Yep, some 150,000, yeah. You also have Pops and Pants, Priscilla, you have your own YouTube channel and you have about 115,000 followers there, so you've got that brand going. Priscilla, you have, you're also top seller, top recruiter at Limelife, you have your skincare and makeup business there, you lead a huge team.
You're super active, you're always top seller there. Any other businesses that I'm missing? Oh, we have an Airbnb. Airbnb, okay. That we started this year. Yeah. We really went to go hard into that, but then the market went. Yeah, so. We were planning on buying two more properties, but it's not a good time. It's doing amazing. The one's doing amazing. Yep. Yeah. And we're just looking forward to buying more properties. Yeah, so we have that as well. Yeah, so you've.
Oh, yeah, no, go ahead. Anything else? I mean, yeah, no, those are all of our brands. Yeah. So you've got you've got these three successful businesses that are coexisting, commingling. And how do you guys like first? I'm curious about how you even organize yourselves because you've got Abby. You've got these businesses. You've got yourselves like.
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From out here, I'm like exhausted just watching. So like, how do you guys navigate that and organize all of that? I was thinking about that before this little powwow. Thinking about some of the ways that we do it now, because it's easy to look back and be like, okay, we just kind of jumped before. There's a lot less jumping now because we have plans and we have things that we have buckets that we have to fill. We've created a trust for our daughter.
To get out of the YouTube money so that we don't have to worry about her future. She's fully financed for the rest of her life, but we still have buckets we have to fill and we have adult things we have to do now much more so than we did back when the kids were little and we're like, Hey, let's try this. Now it's a lot more, uh, planned out and orchestrated. So it's kind of trying to think about how we manage this. A lot of it, honestly, the having one person to organize the details.
I think has been really successful for us. And that just kind of happened because that's how Priscilla is wired. And she the day to day, the details of the day. That's what she does. We they laugh at me, but we have a family meeting every Sunday. And it's like, let's go through what the week is going to look like because Abigail is now 18. She's in a vocational program. We have to get her back and forth. Well, you know, time is money, right?
Us driving her there does not make us any money. Therefore, we can, you know, have someone else do that. Um, and so, but then we have to be available for her in the afternoons because she does require one-on-one pretty much 24-7 care. Um, so we try to do a lot of our work during the day. Like, so she's at her clinic space from nine to one. So we're like, okay, that's our work time.
Now if we don't get things done, because a lot of times I'll have zoom meetings or I'll have lives that I have to do. So I do that in the evening later in the evening, usually around nine PM. And then that's when he's kind of on Abby duty. And we're kind of tag teaming through the whole day. Um, but we definitely try to like calendars are my best friend, with alarms on them, because even if I look at the calendar, it's still will forget something. So I have to have the alarm as well.
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Um, but in communication, like If I'm not feeling it that day, I'm like, Asa, I know we were supposed to make this video today, but I am just not in the head space for that. Like we need to work on that another day. Yeah. Um, so really communicating with each other. He's a big planner guy, like a physical, like I'm very analog. I'm full focus planner. Highly recommend. You can check out my Amazon affiliate links in the description.
Drop it. Sorry. It's what we do for a living. No, no. Very analog. And, uh, and also, like I said, I'm wasn't joking. I do have ADHD. So putting things on paper is, is absolutely clutch for me. Like I cannot. I literally produce twice as much in one day. If I, if I have things written down, if I'm able to measure things and look at numbers and stuff like that. So that which is measured is improved. So it's it, we work totally different. The two of us.
I'm a lot more chaotic. Well, we also know how the other person works. Yeah. So so you will write a script for something, whereas I'm just off the cuff. I'm like, I don't need to do that. And we just have learned that over the years. It's definitely way different working in the home than it was working at the motorcycle shop. I feel like we each had our own little like our areas, whereas here he helps me a lot with like my graphics and my.
Going live and those kind of things. So I'll yell down the stairs, I.T., I need I.T. So. A big part of it, I feel like is recognizing and accepting and working through each other's weaknesses as well. And in a loving way, because it's not sexy to tell your spouse, hey, you kind of suck at this. Let's do this different. But because we still have to, you would do that.
In a work environment, maybe be like, Hey, listen, we're really struggling in this area. We need to work on this type of thing. When you say that to your wife, though, she's like, what do you want to eat? Yeah, it's different. It's different. And you cannot separate the two like she is never just my work partner, or just my wife. She's always both. If we go out to dinner, and we're on we're on a date, we will tell each other is a work date? Or is this like a date?
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But it's a work date. We can be on our phones. If not, we're not going to be on our phones and talking business. It has to be that way. Yeah. But like she'll if I'm walking past her and she's like, Hey, can you edit the videos that I sent you into? Yeah. But wait, I don't it's not that I don't care. It's not that I don't want to. But if I don't do it right that second, it doesn't get done until she asked me three more times. So instead, it goes in here.
And it's funny because Asa, like even last week I said, hey, when you get a chance, he's like, don't be don't be setting me up for failure. Right. Don't say when you get a chance is not is not now. I'm like, OK, well, right now. And if someone else heard that, they might be thinking like, wow, that was really like rude of her to say, but that's how we work. And we've communicated to that to each other to be like, listen, this is how I need you to come at me. If we're in the middle of filming a video because he owns all my pots, pans and Priscilla stuff.
Sometimes he'll say, I want you to say it like this. And I'm like, listen, not the Asa show. Silla, my name's on the channel. I don't wanna do it that way. So, but just knowing like, I mean, we've been married 22 years. Like ain't nobody going nowhere. That's way too much work. Yeah, but it sounds like one of your secret powers is that you guys give each other a lot of permission and a lot of room to be with each other.
In a straight way. It's like, it's in and give each other a lot of room to be in your own way. Like you work this way, I work this way, and that's okay. And we work together and we manage each other, but there isn't. But I feel a lot of times what happens is people will try to push the other person to work in the way that you want them to work or make the other person wrong because they're not doing it how you want to be doing it. But instead of getting caught up in this,
Why does he always do this? You're just sort of like, oh, that's right. They like to work this way. So let me work that way. It's a real dance. So you guys are in it's beautiful. I also think it was super good for us to move our offices. Don't you think like not in a negative way, but we used to all be in this office together. Okay. Asa and myself. And then when we were homeschooling Abigail at one point, all three of us were here. Well, Asa would have his headphones on. I'm trying to do lives or zooms or whatever.
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And it was just very chaotic and I couldn't focus I would get frustrated he would get frustrated because he's constantly having to like take his headbands off put them on like you get in different zones I'm in my zone at different times she's in her zone next I'm like headphones on editing if she's like why are you breathing like that like is this are you okay there's still there's so there's still like workplace you know workspace yeah that it's been beneficial for us to have yeah different spaces she can get she can do her thing I can do but she doesn't wear headphones
Right. And I breathe wrong. She won't wear headphones when she listened to anything. So I get to listen to everything she listens to. So once I those two reasons, thank God I say I went to college, I got booted upstairs and I am fine with it. At first I was a little offended. But now I'm like, my space. It's great. Because I am not an alone person. I love to be around people. Like he is not like that. He can care less. I'm like, it's so funny that you're on YouTube because he is not people-y. And I am so people-y. And I say, if we have a party, they're like, we need a break. I'm like, from what? It's literally a party. What do you need a break from? I'm with you, brother.
I'm with you, brother. I go hide in my office and decompress. I have to. When I go to the events, they're like, how do you do like you're on all the time? I'm like, I know, isn't it great? Isaiah's like, work a room better than anyone I've ever seen. Like, you're just like, hey, like everything about everyone. I'm like, yeah, that's he's like, that's what makes you and so likable. And
It's so funny, like how our dynamic is so different. And I mean, my battery is just depleting so fast, my social battery. And I'm like, OK, I got to go recharge. I'll go upstairs and lay on the bed in this like, I'm just I feel very feen right now. And people often think that I'm like, no, that I'm this big extrovert. And I'm like, no, I'm actually an introvert. Yeah.
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But the lesson that I want to point out to is that often people think that because you're an introvert, you can't do that work. You can't do the, and you, here you are, even though as an introvert doing a YouTube channel, right, and, and putting yourself out there and doing that work. So that's the lesson that I want to highlight there. Yeah. Okay. So what a fantastic conversation. So here, as we start to wrap up, how do you handle like disagreements in, in.
I imagine that it has to come up in terms of how you want to work differently or like how do those get resolved? A big part of that is going to be, so Priscilla and I have a lot of behavioral, human behavioral training because our daughter has autism and ABA therapy is something that we subscribe to and that she gets so, I think we have a leg up in that area because
If you have a problem, there's an antecedent to that problem. It's easier to fix the antecedent than it is to treat the symptoms. Right. To so it's funny because for example, we're talking about, like Priscilla says, Hey, can you take those videos and turn it into a reel for me? And I'm like, yep. And then that was yesterday. She, she told me another one of those. I get those all the time. But today it made it to the top of my list. It's in my big three for to dues. That's how we avoid disagreements where I don't value her content or I don't prioritize her. Is we fix the problem to begin with rather than fix the fight. Asa is also really good at apologizing way better than I am. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I mean, I think it's important to because really, hey, this is what you should do is work together spouses and stuff because we're perfect. We're not. Priscilla is great at saying, I am sorry that you feel this way. That's how she apologizes. And I apologize. That's a him feeling. It's not a me feeling. Like I can't, I'm pretty sure Gary has coached me on this. Like that's a you thing. Thanks. And Dawn. Yeah. Like that's not what they meant. You can't put that on me. That's not what they meant. That's how you feel.
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So we still have... You received that information. Yeah. Listen, the thing of it is, like, do you hate them? Gary's like, oh gosh, I did not plan on this. Way to weaponize coaching. Yeah.
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Don't put me in this mess, Priscilla. It is funny though, because most of the time we pretty much get along. We went through all the crap in our early years. Every once in a while we'll have a disagreement about something, but most of the time if we just go in our own spaces and then we come back later and we actually joke that one of us will ask a really random question just to get the other person talking again.
Like it doesn't even make sense. Like what if you asked me before and I'm like, I'm just going to like, I think I'll be able to wear shorts tomorrow or pants. Just to get the conversation going again. We just had a knock down drag out and I'm like, hey, I was getting myself some crackers and I didn't know. Do you want some? You know, it's that lead in to just to get the communication flowing. I think everybody does that.
You're like, “It doesn't make any sense” but okay, whatever. It makes so much sense. Cause what it really points to for me is that you are more committed to making this work. And you know that making a work is, all right, we gotta get back to our rhythm, get back to loving each other, get back to doing what we do best and it'll be okay. So it's actually a brilliant, I think strategy. It's like, what works for you? It's like, all right.
All right, got two more questions. How do you keep the love, the romance? Because I would imagine running multiple businesses, taking care of Abby and running life, it would be really easy to have that kind of go out of. That is probably the biggest thing that we struggle with. You thinking like tonight or tomorrow night? Where do you want me to put you? Like, and he's joking, he acts like he's joking, but.
No friends will even say I'm like Thursday night. That's like a guaranteed night. That's like our date night. It's But do you do you guys schedule effects? Yes I'm such a fan of it. I think people laugh at me when I talk about it and i'm like no it's such a It works It does so and my friends laugh too. They're like, how do you get in the mood? I'm like
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You just know. What do you mean? It's Thursday. You're in, you're going to be in the mood because you're like, Hey, today's the day you're already more loving and you're, you know, there's more like physical touch throughout the day. There's, you know, like it's already like, it's not, it's not. Early on. Yeah. But yeah, I, and it's definitely our biggest struggle is that, and a lot of it is not even just working together. It's Abigail and, and Isaiah. I mean, Isaiah, our oldest, he graduated.
Now he's back home. He lived out in our in-laws suite, but he still like has getting his masters right now. Yeah. And so full time. But he but he still like has free reign of the house. So you're like, are these kids ever not here? Let go away and they stay up all hours of the night. You're like, would you leave us alone? And so I think that is something that we do. That is our biggest struggle. But.
I am super into like going on trips and vacations and I needed to make sure that Asa was on board with that because that's really where we can like connect with each other more. Yeah. And I'm used to going on all my limelight trips and girls trips and that kind of stuff. That's not his love language. He could care less about doing those things. That is my love language. And so he encourages me to do those things.
I mean, he buys me luggage and everything. But I don't think you have to go on like you don't have to commit to like going on trips all the time for Yeah, you do need a thing, right? Right? So like we have even if it's like a Staycation or like a week that you do a different you have a different routine you have a different because like when we go on our trips like Every day on our trip is a Thursday. We're very loving. We're very into each other. We're we're
It's, it's just a different vibe because we do work with each other every single day. So, and it is, and I would say definitely having the kids, which any parent with kids knows that. I mean, you have dogs and you probably had the same situation. But it is different because our kids are older. So you would, and that's something I've really struggled with over the past few years. And I've been very open about it is that we should be entering our empty nester phase. And with Abigail having severe autism, like we'll never have that the way it should be, the way it should look.
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And so it's super important for us, for me, especially to like make sure that we do take those times. And that's what I mean about the trips. Like we didn't do that when the kids were younger. Now that they're older, like those are things that I feel like that's what empty nesters do. And so I was really like in my feelings and like missing out on all of this. We have made that a priority this year. We've done a few trips together alone, even going up to our Airbnb and like making sure everything was good. It was still just the two of us. And that is something, because Asa is like, let's just take it out. It's easier. I'm like, it's not easier. Like, no, we're gonna do this ourselves. So yeah, that's something. I love it. So as we wrap up, what's next for you guys?
Well, we're working on a cookbook for my channel, so we're super excited about that. And then obviously more Airbnb. Yeah, we definitely want to get more into real estate. We really like the area that we're in. It's not just like, oh, it's lucrative. We enjoy the heck out of it. Like we love the whole business. We like the decorating process. Not necessarily just Airbnb's, but like real estate in general. Yeah. I love it. Yeah. It's a fun, it's a fun thing to be in, but we're going to keep doing what we're doing. We don't feel like we're done yet. We haven't.
Asa is constantly like changing his ways of doing things. Obviously with social media as a whole, you have to go from, we started with long form content now more short form content is the vibe and so you just are constantly like going back and forth. Yeah. And I don't know if we mentioned, we do have a podcast. Have to get back on doing it. We did. Yeah. We didn't talk about that. That's right. Yeah. And that's really where we like.
take the gloves off and kind of talk more intimate about being a married couple and things that maybe we don't talk about. It's conversations like this. Yeah. So it's called from AM to PM. And we named it that because our initials I'm AM and she's PM. And because we are business partners from AM to PM, we are parents, we are lovers, we are everything from AM to PM all day, every day. So we definitely, this is one of those.
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Basically what this podcast is about is, is everything that encompasses ours because it's a life we live and it's.
I don't I love it that way. I wouldn't change it. It's. It's hard, but man, working with other people is hard too, and you can't. Have Thursdays with them, so this is probably be frowned upon. This is way better. I do joke when he gets mad at me, I'm like, did you need to talk to HR? They're all today. They don't care about your stupid complaint.
Well guys, this has been absolutely lovely. Thank you so much for sharing yourselves. Thanks for having us. This is such an honor. It's for me. You guys are lovely and it's always a pleasure talking and being in the same room and whether virtually or in person. We will share all of your links to all of your channels and the podcast and everything so that you guys can.
find these guys and continue to get more of them. They're just some of the best people in the planet, it's all to the earth. And it was fun for me. I didn't know your backstory. So this was really great. Well, thank you so much. And enjoy your Thursday. Couple more days, couple more days.
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Okay, there are just so many valuable takeaways from today's interview. I can go on and on. My head was exploding the whole time. Uh, but there's a few that I want to focus on because I think they're really key and, and important for you to really consider if you are working any type of partnership whatsoever. Uh, number one, uh, building a successful partnership requires understanding and accepting each other's strengths and weaknesses. And yeah, this seems kind of obvious, but
It's easier said than done. We spent so much time judging and assessing and comparing that it's really easy to fall into a pattern where you're judging the other person or upset that they're not a different way or upset that they didn't handle that another way. They really embrace each other's work styles and they found ways to support each other's goals and passions and just filled in the holes where each other was weak.
I thought that was a beautiful lesson and so, and really have been a key in their success. Number two, prioritizing communication. I love when they shared that they have regular family meetings every week. And every week they just sit down and they put it all on paper. And what does the family have going on? What do the kids have going on? What are the goals for each of the businesses? And they just constantly stayed on top of planning. Again, it seems obvious.
But it's really easy to get into a survival pattern of we just gotta keep going, we just gotta keep going, and planning and doing that work and communicating and doing that ahead of time. It's so easy for that to go out of existence. So I love that they have a structure for that and that they keep coming to that and that's one of the ways that they can stay on top of things. Number three for me was the way that they bring structure to keeping the romance alive.
The way that they schedule their date nights every week on Thursday, the way that they schedule several trips around throughout the year to make sure that they're nurturing themselves, to make sure that they're keeping track of their relationship and that they're nurturing their relationship. I think it's so beautiful and key because it's again, easier said than done.
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It's so easy when you have a childhood autistic, when you have several businesses and you're just being pulled in all these different directions, it's so easy to just forget about that or move forward or just go, you know what, I'll do it next week. But the fact that they do that every week, no matter what, really creates a commitment for themselves and a structure for them to just make sure that they're always checking in with each other. Number four, apologize and address disagreements promptly. I cannot tell you how many times I just see people.
fester, hold on, push it, push it aside, suppress it, just pretend it didn't happen, or be passive-aggressive. The fact that they really handle this stuff right away, and there isn't a commitment to holding on to it and being right about it, but there's just a commitment to like, okay, let's clear this up so that we can move on because what we're up to is more important. We are more important. The businesses are more important. The kids are more important. It just really creates context for not getting caught up in your ego and festering, letting these things fester. And lastly, back to play, back to play. I was so impressed with their ability to just back each other's play. No matter how crazy the idea was, no matter how inconvenient it was, no matter how scary it was for you, you backed each other's play. And for me, it just really displays unconditional love.
And it displays a real commitment to empowering and supporting each other over your comfort, over the easy path. I think it just creates an environment of safety and it also creates an environment of amazing creativity for them. Like they're both really creative individuals and they bring that creativity to their businesses.
And I think that that's largely in part because they're able to support because the support for each other just really allows them to create a space of safety and knowing that hey no matter how crazy my idea is I know I have a crazy partner that's going to ride this out with me. I just would love that and for me, it was really inspiring and it's something that I hope to bring to my relationship. Thanks for listening to this episode of The Ownership Game with your host Gary Montalvo.
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