00:00
And so when we take that radical self-responsibility and ownership, then as soon as something outside of us happens that we're like, oh, I don't like that. Like, maybe it's a customer thing. Maybe it's a hater on Facebook. Whatever it is for you, that's. That's the moment where you get to go inside, internally, alchemize it, heal what's activating inside of you, and then. And then go about your day with that transformation having happened and having gone through that and being present with it versus this constant looking where coaching is supposed to be very forward focused.
00:50
Welcome to the ownership game with Gary Montalvo. What would it take to get into the driver's seat of your life and leave your mark? The ownership game starts now.
My guest today is entrepreneur, author, speaker, coach, and the founder of Crown Yourself, Kimberly Spence. Kimberly has lived a pretty interesting life, from growing up with an addict for a father to bulimia to sexual abuse, divorce, debt, business failures, business buyouts, growing three businesses, birthing two babies, and unexpectedly moving to Australia in the middle of a pandemic. These are just a few of the highlights. Along the way, she learned a great deal about overcoming adversity, and that ownership, sprinkled with some sparkle, is the key to facing any challenge that life throws at you. So you seem wildly self-expressed just from what I'm seeing. Is that accurate? Is that.
02:01
That is accurate? Yes. Yeah. I have come to terms with my Leonis. Let's just put it that way.
02:09
So have you always been that way, or was it sort of, like, created, developed?
02:15
I think. I mean, I definitely was not always this way. Like, my kindergarten teacher would very much say that I was not. I didn't speak for six months. I was deeply introverted. I stalked my best friend in order for her to become my friend. Like, I followed her around the playground, didn't say anything. So I was super shy.
02:35
I also had some childhood trauma growing up just in the vein of my dad was an alcoholic and an addict. And looking back now, I see that the worst time of that season was in between his parents own deaths and the complex relationships that he had with that. So when he passed in 2021, I had a lot of healing around that when I realized, oh, my gosh, when you lose somebody, especially a parent, that you've had a complex relationship with, where there was trauma, but you also love them, but they were also a great influence for you, but they were also a really bad influence, then there can be a lot of space for growth and for transformation from that and when I realized that that time period where I had the experiences of different forms of childhood trauma, I like seeing my dad get arrested and him coming home drunk and me not knowing what father was coming home and including sexual abuse, that happens like, that. That experience of, like, oh, my gosh, that was when he was kind of healing, but he didn't have any tools. Being able to learn that, that created a whole new narrative for me. And I've always, like, once I came out of my shell and started to discover that there is this fire inside of me that I love to express, that I love to share with others, and that I get to be that light in the world, then I. I just live by the belief that don't deny somebody else. Don't deny somebody your breakthrough because you decided not to show up fully.
04:11
So I'm so glad that I asked you that question, because one of the. As a leadership coach, one of the things that I really believe in is that self-expression is, like, a key access point to freedom. Until you get self, like, first guess, first you have to get an ownership, right. But then until you get self-expressed, you can't own your vision, you can't enroll others. You can't make an impact. You can't really get in alignment and in flow in a true, authentic way if, like, freedom is not possible. But often what happens is people think that we're born that way, right? That we are just like, oh, a baby's born. Here's the.
04:50
Here's the self-expressed one, here's the animated one. And more often than not, that's something that has to be crafted and created. Like, we have to do the work of unfilling that, right? Like that. So, what was that like for you from going from that trauma? How did you get to access all that freedom for yourself so that you could be self-expressed?
05:12
Yeah, I mean, it started with. I think it helped that my path, because I was growing up in Los Angeles, like, the only path toward the success that I saw was through Hollywood, where I was like, oh, those people are making the amount of money that I actually want to make. I didn't know that that was possible in, like, entrepreneurship, because even though my parents were entrepreneurs, they. They didn't really hit their stride for the first ten years that I was alive. So I had a model that was, oh, celebrities. That that's a possibility. And it was through that dream that started with, like, first musical theater and then going in and practicing that I started to, like, gain my confidence, and then it started to build also with pageants, I did. And this is ironic, because people I was, at the time that I started doing beauty pageants, I was battling an eating disorder with bulimia, and I didn't.
06:06
And as much as people were like, oh, did that, like, worsen it for you? And I was like, no, it made it better because I got to be surrounded by beautiful women who had goals and ambitions and were fit. And I was like, these are my people. I didn't feel like I ever fit in with the people in traditional school because they were interested in boys and dating and, like, and I was like, I have a vision and I have a mission, and I've been ambitious since I came out of the womb. Like, I was selling. Selling bags of glitter water and doing my entrepreneurial thing at, like, five years old, split testing price points for $0.05 or $50. And if you don't know what glitter water is, it's plastic bags with water and then glitter inside of it. And I sold those. So I constantly was in this evolution to find myself and to, like, hone who I was.
06:58
And movies and cinema really helped with kind of crafting the character of the identity that I felt I most aligned with. And it was then that's why I'm such a big fan of, like, fiction. Like, I think if you just read personal development all the time, it can actually get quite draining where you're not actually accepting yourself versus with fiction, you bypass your innate cognitive bias of, like, oh, that's not me. Because you're seeing somebody on a screen, and then you're able to see, like, oh, I really like this characteristic, oh, she's so adventurous. And you kind of, because your subconscious mind takes everything personally, you are accepting these potential suggestions, and it can actually enhance those aspects of you and pull those fourth. So I'm a huge fan of leveraging fiction and movies. That being said, also watch what you're consuming, because there's a reason why I don't watch horror films or things that are very, incredibly intense or for me, anything. Now, as a mother, anything that involves something happening to a child, I'm like, nope, nope.
08:07
Will not allow that into my unconscious mind because I'm very protective of that. But choosing very positive, forward facing, inspirational movies, like, I'm a big Disney fan, those can actually pull something forth inside of you. And I think that that's a tool that's not really accessed or developed or talked a lot about in leadership.
08:27
So it sounds like maybe you weren't always as self-expressed as you are. Now, but it sounds like you were driven like that. There was a drive there that kind of pushed things along and got things going. Okay. And so walk me through how this became something that you started to work with other people on.
08:53
So I started out my career in Hollywood doing script writing, acting, all that. And I found that when I had my, like, childhood dream, 24 years old, my first feature film that I co-wrote, named, called Bro, starred Danny Trejo, came out. Netflix, Lionsgate, picked it up, all the things, and I was like, I'm only 80% fulfilled. And now, to support myself in my pursuit of my Hollywood dreams, I started teaching pilates. And I found pilates because it was very healing for me with my own journey in battle with bulimia. And within two years of starting to teach it, I had completely healed myself from a ten year battle with an eating disorder through self leadership, through mindset shifts, and through just changing my own psychology. And that was really. I didn't know I was coaching back then, but that was what I was doing, is I was in the business of transforming people's stories about what was possible for their lives.
09:53
And that's the through line throughout all of my businesses, because from my. From the. From the movie, I then went on to become the president of an e comm company, took a product to market, scaled it. So we were in that company, we were transforming what was possible for people's back pain. And so there's this constant through line of transforming people's stories. And then when I was bought out of that company in 2014, at three weeks before I got married, hopped on a plane to my honeymoon in Italy, and I was like, I don't know what I'm doing when I get back home. That was when coaching really landed for me, and I was brainstorming on all of these different ideas that I had. Like, I loved writing.
10:30
I loved health, I love fitness, I love spirituality. I figured out the relationship thing. I figured out the body thing, and I was like, crown yourself. And my husband's like, what's that? And I said, that's the name of my company. He's like, what do you do? I was like, I help people. And that was. I said, I think it's something like Marie Forleo. I didn't quite know what it was.
10:49
And the problem was, was through that buyout process, I'd never in my life had a problem with going for big, courageous, audacious goals when it came to my career, because that was always an area that I was very motivated in, very linear, like, very driven, very focused, like you said. But after experiencing three months of lawyers telling me how I'm too young, too inexperienced and all, now, like, in hindsight, I know it was to lower my price, but that I took it personally. And because I took it personally, I had this whole dream for my coaching business to be about ownership and authenticity. But meanwhile, I had, I had lost myself in that company because I wasn't taking care of my body. I had. I had created this Persona of this, like, buttoned up professional woman because I was so scared of having typos in my email or saying the wrong thing just because of the experience of running that company with my partner. And that taught me to not trust myself. And it taught me that these aspects of who I am, that I shouldn't be, that that's not business, that's not professional.
12:01
Like, the sparkly side, like, the very self expressed side, I didn't. I was told by others, mostly older white men, that it's not how I'm. That is not how a businesswoman is a businesswoman. And I borrowed that belief system. I completely plagiarized it. I adopted to myself. And so when I started my coaching company, I had no idea who I was, and I wanted it to be authentic, and I wanted it to be crowns and sparkles and really stepping into your power of ownership. And for the first photo shoot we did for it, I had to hire a stylist and borrow all my clothes because all my clothes were boring and sad and, like, not sparkly, not.
12:42
They didn't reflect my personality because I didn't know who I was then. And I'm so grateful for that experience because now I've been able to coach so many leaders through that discovery of who. Who they are before the world taught them who they should be.
12:57
Yeah.
12:57
And when you come back to that space of purity, that's really where that divine gift comes forth, where you are owning who you are and who you were created to be. Like, you aren't created to be some cookie cutter version of somebody else or what somebody else thinks you should be, because that's just their own projection of their own insecurities. You're created for this fully expressed self. And if you can harness that of, like, who is that person? Who is that version of you who is so authentic and raw and real and owns both the mistakes and the successes? I think I see women struggle with both. Specifically, I see men struggle with both, too, of, like, being able to brag about their successes and have this pride of that ownership of that achievement, but then also honoring the mistakes that they've made and being able to navigate the two in the paradox that it's not an either or, it's a yes.
13:52
And, yeah, I think so many people are going to really identify with what you're sharing. I work a lot with entrepreneurs, and it's amazing how often the business you're building becomes the shackles. Right. Becomes the. The box that you get trapped in. And it's amazing how often this business that you're building becomes like a. Like a way to pin you into this identity or that you think it has to be the certain way or that you, you think you have to act a certain way. So I think a lot of people, and not just entrepreneurs, but I think so many people can really identify with that.
14:45
So I want to. I want to dig down, dig in this a little bit and see what advice can you give people who are. Because it sounds like, what was the process that you went through in trying to find that voice? And if you are in, I mean, I think I have some insight into what happened with you, but I don't want to influence your answer. And I'm curious about what you're going to say. What advice do you have for people who are coming awake, realizing that this is happening to them or this happened to them? And I want to now go on this journey of finding my voice, finding my sparkle.
15:27
There's a principle that many people in personal development know called the shadow work. And it's like looking at your dark side, looking at all the things that you don't like about yourself. But there is another principle called the golden shadow that isn't as often talked about. And one of the things I had to recognize is that when I looked at those women who had the thriving family and who were joyous and happy and who, I may say, oh, I may have in the past when I was on the journey, had that moment of, oh, it must be easy for them, or, oh, nice, good for you to have that, like. But that's actually just a reflection of my own golden shadow of, like, what was. What is it that I really, actually, deeply wanted to express within me that I wasn't actually, actually giving myself permission to? And so, like, there's. There is. For example, I'm very fancy.
16:20
I honor the fact that I am a bit of a boozy, bougie bitch and, like, like, but a nice one, and who's kind and compassionate, too. But I really like. I like fancy things. I like, and I like nice things and, and I'm okay with that. I also am totally fine with going to a cabin and having. And hiking and, like, not having that. So it's not that I need it, but it was being able to accept the fact that, like, I'm okay with the fact that I've always loved Tiffany's, and I'm okay with that. And there are so many pieces that you giving yourself that permission of, like, wanting what you want for no other reason than just the fact that you want it, like, and letting that desire be enough, because I believe that your desires were placed in your heart by the divine, and that by who you are becoming in, the person who gets to achieve those desires gets to.
17:13
Gets to bring those desires to fruition. That gets to stand as that testimony for possibility. I heard a really great story about. On a podcast about this really famous hypnotist who drives a Rolls Royce, and now I have no interest in driving a Rolls Royce, but he drives one, and good for him. And, like, that. When he drives it around Vegas, he has the people turning their heads, and he has the one guy who's, like, nice. What would you do? Like, rob somebody or something? But he said, but then there's that one guy. There's that one guy who rolls down the windows, like, how'd you do it? And that is who I am living for, is, like, I want to be that testimony for possibility of, like, for the.
17:53
For the women, for the. For the men who are like, how'd you do that? Like, how'd you become that fully self expressed person? How. How did you own that? Because I don't need to project who I am as, like, this is who you need to be. I want you to find that your own self expression. Maybe it's not fancy things. Maybe you really love tiny houses, and, like, that's your dream. Like, rock it out. But it's owning what it.
18:17
What are those things that you desire that you specifically have wanted, that you have neglected or not yet given yourself permission to actually want, and recognizing and healing within yourself that that's okay if you want those things. Like, it's okay if you want to have kids and have a business. I'm the crazy person who's like, yeah, with. With my second child. I just decided to start a second business because that's how. That's what my testimony for possibility is. I want to speak to those ambitious people who see the world as, like, an. Either have to be the mom, or I either have to be the parent, or I can be the successful business owner.
18:54
And I'm like, you can do both. And I want to pave that light and be that light in that realm. You get to find what your light is. And you can do this by looking at your golden shadow is like, what are all those things that even just that little, like little twinge of envy or just that little twinge of jealousy or that those little snide, sarcastic comments of, oh, must be nice for them. Like, anytime you think that that's a hint at your own golden shadow that you now get to explore and see, okay, how do I need to integrate that and realize that that's a part of me that I wasn't allowing myself to recognize that I want that?
19:32
Yeah, I love that. And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say this differently, because you did, you did point to the insight that I saw. The game has to be big enough, and that's really what it boils down to, because if you're going to do the work of dismantling all that, if you're going to do the work of going into your shadows and doing the work of healing, the game has to be big enough, meaning there has to be something on the other side that is big enough to have you do all that work. And what often happens is we don't create big games. We create small games, comfortable games, predictable games, games that don't scare us, games that don't have a straight too far off the beaten path. But when you create a game and it doesn't have to be your game or my game, or maybe your game isn't around money, maybe your game is around, like rescuing puppies, like whatever the game. Some people are really passionate about that. Right? Like you want to see a passionate person, you go find a rescue dog person.
20:44
Man. Those people are committed.
20:47
They are very committed. Yes.
20:49
So you. But when you create a game that's big enough, that's true, authentic alignment, it has you now do this work that we're talking about. It has you do the work of finding your voice. It has you do the work of healing your parental wounds. It has you do the work of articulating who you are as a person. So you've got to create a game that is big enough. You've got to tap into that. Why? And for you, it was the coaching business.
21:21
Right. And for me, I think similar, like people don't usually just become coaches because, oh, I'm going to be a coach. Typically a real passion for making an impact with other people. I mean, I don't think there's a better job on the planet than helping people and having them win in their goals. Like, I'll go to bat. I don't care. I would have bat with any heart surgeon, anything. Heart surgery is probably still pretty cool, but you get.
21:54
Yeah, I know. You know what I mean?
21:55
Yeah, yeah, I think. I mean, the game for me really changed when I found out I was pregnant because I saw who I had become within that, within that year and a half of kind of dabbling in my business because I didn't fully go forth. I wasn't fully being self expressed. And I was in this space of complaining and blaming and comparisonism that I just turned. I was surprised, but I turned into a very negative person after my buyout just because I had so much complaining and blaming and shame around. The feeling. Feeling the story that I'd lost my company versus actually recognizing what it was is just an epic gift. And it was when I found out I was pregnant with my son that I was like, I don't like the version of me and the story that I've been telling myself that's kept me broke, that's kept me, that's gotten me into debt, that's gotten me feeling really disempowered.
22:52
And I knew it was a story and I knew I could heal it because I've healed it before with healing myself from a ten year battle with bulimia. I also knew I had a nine month deadline, and so I hired a coach and got some new tools to be able to support me in that space. But the game was bigger because, and I've heard this from countless parents that, like, there are certain standards that you'll tolerate for yourself. Like, one of my girlfriends was like, oh, yeah, I would totally do, like, ramen noodles and, like, hunker down and just, like, work twenty four seven and, like, burn myself out for myself. But as soon as she became a mother, she's like, oh, I would never do that to my kids. Like, that's horrible. Like, I want to be there for them and be present with them, not be behind a computer twenty four seven. And that, I think whether it's, it's kids or leveling up into a partnership or a relationship or getting a dog or buying your house, like, when we manifested our dream house, like, this past year, that leveled me up into a whole nother level of responsibility where I was like, okay, now my.
23:55
The beginnings of my vision of what I've wanted for our home are in place, and now it's my responsibility to take that on. And I think when you start looking at your purpose like a responsibility, it changes the game. And that's why I love the idea of the queen or the archetype of the sovereign, because a sovereign of any nation is born with the belief and the responsibility that they're going to be one day running a country. And what if every entrepreneur had that same vision and had that same level of leveling up that? Why? So that it was so big and important that they're running a company that's the size of a small country or whatever that is for you. Even they're running a nonprofit. They're saving 50,000 dogs across America, whatever that vision is for you. But what if you took on the responsibility that comes with that vision? Because with power and responsibility are intimately tied, and so are money. Because money is just a form of energy.
25:03
It's just. It's just a form of power, of money. It's an energy. So it requires, though, responsibility. And that leveling up to the. Responding to that vision that is inside of you and choosing to then say, yes, this dream is mine, and I am responsible for nurturing this. Almost like treating, like, your dream or your vision is like a child. Because as soon as I saw, because I'd been president, I'd been a founder, I'd started my own brick and mortar Pilates company.
25:36
Like, I'd had these wins as CEO. But the title of mom was a title that I was like. That caused me to level up ten x because I knew that it was an entire identity shift, because I had made a commitment to myself when I was 18 years old that I would never have a child before. I had solved and healed a lot of my core wounding. And little did I know that having a child would somehow bring up that as well and bring some extra stuff to the forefront, but for extra healing that you're like, oh, I didn't know that was still there. But the beauty of that experience is that that choice in having something beyond you that you are so deeply responsible for and responsible for nurturing, growing, raising, that's. I see my children like I see my vision.
26:26
It's. There's. Trying to figure out where to go because there's a lot of things I want to talk to you about, but something that I want to call out is parenting. So I'm not a parent, so I'm totally parents planning right now, but something that I. That I often see with parents is that the kids become the reason why they can't.
26:47
Mm hmm.
26:48
And you're really saying, no, my kid is the reason why I have to.
26:54
Yeah. Your kids can either be your excuse or they can be your greatest asset.
26:58
Yeah. And I love that because I just, I often see that and I'm like, don't blame your kids for whatever this is going on right here, right now. Let's not blame them. Don't put this on them. Like, they. They want to see their parents thrive and they want to see their parents kicking butt 100%. Do you. This is kind of like a coach to coach question.
27:21
Do you think when someone's creating a game, a vision for themselves, if them being free or them being healed enough of a vision, like, is that. Is that. Is that a. I don't want to say enough, but. But, yeah. Like, do you think that that is a sufficient vision to move things or does vid or something outside of them?
27:50
I think freedom is a great motivator. I have seen a lot of entrepreneurs, having coached them for nine years now, throw themselves off the cliff with the battle cry of freedom, expecting to get to their destination and thinking that just by flapping their wings that they're going to get there versus what true freedom is. True freedom comes with structure. And so I think that if you think about just in the metaphor of trying to fly to a destination, like, from California to Hawaii, and you're not going to fling yourself off a cliff and, like, wave your arms, you would, you would fall and splat. Versus, like, you build the structure of a plane around you and you build that. So I think freedom is a great jumping off point, and you can build the plane as you start to fly it, 100%. But I think the, what I have seen consistently be the greater motivator is service. And the freedom has, like, the freedom comes from being of service to something beyond you, whether it's dogs, underprivileged kids, marginalized youth, like, what a cause, something that is, is pulling something beyond your own ego.
29:08
Yeah, because the freedom is a great starting point. And, I mean, every entrepreneur started their business to have freedom, and yet most of them lock themselves into, like, a longer than nine to five job where they don't build the structure in the system. So understanding that in order to get to where they want to go, it's going to require you to have more structure, and it's going to require you to have more self discipline and self leadership and build a team. And whatever that destination is that you want to get to, whether it's a team of one VA or a team of 30 employees, it depends on what the size and scope of the vision is, but freedom is a great starting point. But what does freedom allow you to do? Who does that allow you to become once you're free? How are you of benefit and of service to this world when you have your freedom? That would be where I would start.
30:01
With the question, yeah, I could kiss you right now. I love that answer. I 100% agree with you. And it's interesting because the coaching industry has been influenced a lot by spirituality in the last couple of years, which is beautiful, and it's been, all this beautiful work is coming out of it. And I also feel that for many people, the focus is becoming, the healing. The focus is becoming. And so you keep, like, getting stuck in a pattern where you're just always focusing on yourself and focusing on your feelings and focusing on your healing and focusing on your. And one of the reasons I love working with entrepreneurs is because there's a bigger goal.
30:53
And then, yeah, we're going to heal you. We're going to focus on all this stuff. We're going to deal with everything that comes up as a result. But if while you're working towards something, and I don't believe I agree, I think that wanting to heal and do that is absolutely a beautiful goal to have. But then it's not sustainable in some ways. Because once you get there, I will go with reasons that like coaching. Learning how to coach had been my biggest transformation personally, because I remember when I first started coaching, I was the biggest cheerleader. I would rah rah you.
31:38
And I had this moment where I was actually in this leadership program and we were checking results and looking at the people that I'm coaching, and they were failing miserably, like, failing miserably. But they love me. They love me. I was their cheerleader, but I wasn't standing for them. I wasn't willing to risk the relationship. I wasn't willing to hold them accountable and say the hard things. So I was just like, yeah, you can do it, you can do it, you can do it. Surface, surface, surface, surface.
32:15
My stuff was getting in the way of really me being who I could be for them. And in that moment, the reason why someone else doesn't win, like, I will never again be the reason why someone else doesn't win. And in that moment, I started to deal with all my looking good stuff. I started to deal with all my need to be liked. I started to deal with all my not liked and left behind and started to deal with the little boy in the playground that got bullied and. But it only happened because I was in service to other people and I said I will not be in the way. Had I just been working on myself, to work on myself, that would have never happened that way. You know what I mean? Like, and so I'm so glad that we're, and the game has to be bigger.
33:17
It has to be bigger than yourself. And I agree that being in service, in service doesn't have to look like you being a coach, by the way, can just being in service to the world, to your community, to your family, to others in whatever way, is the biggest catalyst for your personal transformation. So, yeah, I'm right with there.
33:41
I'm right there with you. I love how you touched on the healing point because I've seen it, too. And I think the problem with focusing on the healing is one some of that actually should be reserved for, like, a therapist office. But B, there's a belief that, like, the healing, that there's a destination. And as you level up and go to any next level in life, it will always present itself with something, something more within you that you actually get to heal. But we heal through going through and from the spiritual plane, mental plane, emotional pain plane into the physical plane. Like, that's where it's transmuted into actual. Like, you will notice your healing when your environment shifts around you.
34:25
And I have this very basic principle that I live by. That which is conscious manifests happily, and that which is unconscious manifests unhappily. And so when we take that radical self responsibility and ownership, then as soon as something outside of us happens that we're like, oh, I don't like that. Like, maybe it's a customer thing, maybe it's a hater on Facebook, whatever it is for you, that's the moment where you get to go inside internally, alchemize it, heal what's activating inside of you, and then go about your day with that transformation having happened and having gone through that and being present with it versus this constant looking where coaching is supposed to be very forward focused. Like it's, it's forward focused, it's goal driven versus therapy. And so, I mean, as a trauma informed coach myself, like, I, all of my clients have had some form of trauma in some way or shape or form, and we do healing modalities within our coaching, from NLP to timeline therapy to hypnosis to biodynamic breath work and trauma release. But that's as they're moving along toward their goal. It is not, it is not like we're looking for this destination to be this fully enlightened, alchemized being with everything figured out.
35:50
Because if you are, then you will have ascended. Like, you will have gone beyond this physical realm versus, like, we're still here doing the work. So sometimes that work that you need to be doing is the actual physical plane work that you've been avoiding. Like tracking KPI's, like. Like having metrics, like having. Managing your money, like being able to be responsible and pay your bills on time. Like those basic principles in the physical realm in this matrix, that's actually where the principles are becoming embodied.
36:27
I love that. Love that and the idea. I think part of what's motivating people as well when they're in this journey to be healed, there's two things. There's some version of something's wrong with me, the way that I am, right, that I need to fix, that I need to change. And similar, like, the other side of that cone is I want to feel the pain. I want to feel the struggle, right? And I think everything that you. Let's use you as an example, right? Everything that you've been sharing about what happened to you and all the struggle that you went through have informed and created this version of Kimberly that's in front of us now has created this coach that and whether. And not just coach, right? Like partner, entrepreneur, mother.
37:25
Like this version of you got created through all of that. And I feel like we're so kind of obsessed with trying to avoid the pain sometimes. And that it's like, what is that pain here to teach you, right? And it's like, I know it's a tricky subject sometimes when we say that, because what is some of the pain? Like, what is rape here to teach me? What is abuse? Sexual abuse here to teach me, right. It does teach you something, right?
37:53
It does. As someone who was raped at 24 like that, it taught me that I put myself in a position that made me incredibly vulnerable and exposed, that created a situation that happened, that because of that experience, I put myself in that position because of a deep core wound that I thought I deserved to be punished. That's what it taught me. And I look back and I see with gratitude, like, it's not my job to fix the other person's karma. That's not my place. But I can look back and say, wow, I'm really grateful that that taught me. Because without that experience, I don't think I would have ever had that core wound revealed to of me that I believed that. And that belief was a driving vehicle in my life that was preventing me from achieving all sorts of new results that I went on to achieve after 2018 when I had that breakthrough.
38:46
So I'm so grateful that that happened. Same with the childhood sexual abuse. Like, I have a skill set because I'm able to see people and because of that experience that happened to me as a child. I remember the moment I was in a room filled with people. It was a conference, and we were all supposed to gather together, and it was after Lewis house had just shared his story of sexual abuse. And we gathered together and we were asked to, like, share some the most pivotal moment that healed us. And so as we're together, and I see this guy across the way, and I'm like, I look at him and I just know my gut, my intuition is like, you need to come be in our group. And I call him over and we're all sharing.
39:30
It was three people in that group had experienced sexual abuse. And I shared my story. And then I had a friend, a fellow friend who was another coach who had experienced sexual abuse. And then it came to this guy, and I looked at him, and I just knew my intuition, like, he is gonna bullshit. He's gonna drop some bullshit story. That is not true. And I looked at him and he looked at me, and he says, to this day, he'll never forget the way that I looked at him, because my intuition just knew I didn't know what it was. But then he shared, and he shared that he was raped when he was twelve years old, and he'd never shared that with anyone.
40:04
He ended up having this powerful breakthrough. Me and the other coach took him outside and we started just process, helping him process it somatically and process through that breakthrough. Fast forward, though. A couple hours later, I call my dad and I say, dad, I know you still feel guilty for what you did. And we had a whole bunch of healing in the interim of our 30 year, really. But I said, I know you're still working through that for yourself, but I've forgiven you. And I said, I think we just saved a life today. And he was really silent, and he's like, okay, thank you for sharing.
40:37
He goes, I don't know how to take that, but thank you for sharing that with me. And fast forward, a couple years later, I'm on the phone with this guy, and we stay, we stayed in touch, and I worked with him a little bit and coached him a little bit at different times. And he said, kim, I don't think I ever told you, but I was planning my suicide for that night. And had you not called me over because I was praying for a miracle, and I don't know what it was, but you saw something in me. And so I know that what happened to me as a child like that, that was a gift that allowed me to have this, like, spidey superpower where I can see things in people and truly, like, see things and to try to deny that, like, oh, I wish that had never happened. If that had never happened, I might not have had this gift. So, you know, it's very. It's in one of the hardest questions that I ask my clients, and I ask them, and I always pre frame it because I'm like, this is a question that's going to make you want to punch me in the face.
41:31
And I'm fully aware of that. And I say, like, whenever they're going through something really challenging or having a breakthrough, I say, how is this the best thing that ever happened to you? Like, how is this the absolute best thing that ever happened to you? Because when you can alchemize that as the problem or the challenge or the issue, even if you were a victim of an experience, then that allows you to then leverage that as an opportunity for your own evolution that can be. That can literally save lives.
42:03
Amen. Amen. I think we can end that right there. It's been incredible talking to you, Kimberly. I think you have so much to teach people about stepping in ownership and taking the cards that life has dealt you and making them your superpower, learning from them and using them to be in service. Yeah. Thank you. And thank you for opening yourself up and sharing so vulnerably about your life.
42:38
And it's been an absolute pleasure, Gary.
42:41
It has been a pleasure being on a show that is literally our top core value at my company, which is ownership.
42:50
I had this. I need to ask you this, but I read this, and I literally was like, oh, this woman has to be on the show. This is on your one sheet. You're like, what she learned from each challenge is that ownership is essential. All self limiting. Belief cultivated. I was like, this is my woman right here. It's a pleasure, my love, and I hope that you would be back to visit us soon and we can keep parlaying.
43:19
You're lovely.
43:21
It would be my honor. Thank you so much.
43:24
There are so many gems to take away from this conversation. First, healing is possible. Overcoming challenges is possible. Building the life your dreams is possible, but it first requires ownership. Ownership is the access point that allows you to get out of an automatic response. Ownership is what gives you access to choosing a different path, a different interpretation. Ownership is what allows you to realize that though you had no control over the painful circumstances in your life, you have everything to say about how you choose to heal from it, how you choose to learn from it, and how you choose to live your life after it. This is why I created this podcast and why I chose to name it the ownership game.
44:14
Ownership is the catalyst to it all. Self expression, freedom, healing, growing. The catalyst to creating the juiciest life of your dreams. This episode, no, this podcast, really, it's a prayer, a call to action, an invocation for the ownership within all of us. My commitment, and I think I can safely speak for Kimberly as well, is that you step into your power and do your work. And no, it will not be all sunshines and rainbows stepping into the shadows, golden or not ever is. But that's when you get help. Reach out to a coach, reach out to a therapist, reach out to your community.
45:00
Get an ownership of creating the safety, support, and the mentorship that you need. I promise you, you got this. I will see you next week. Same bad time, same bad channel. Just dated myself with that reference. Until then, may you allow yourself the freedom to dream about what's possible for yourself. Thanks for listening to this episode of the ownership game with your host, Gary Montalvo. Make sure to like and comment on your favorite podcast platform as well as subscribe so that you never miss an episode.