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The truth will set you free. One of the biggest lies, in my opinion, that has ever been told is the truth hurts. To me, the truth does not hurt. The truth heals and the truth helps.
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Welcome to the ownership game with Gary Montalvo. What would it take to get into the driver's seat of your life and leave your mark? The ownership game starts now. Welcome back to the show. My guest today is Angela Marshall. Shortly after finishing college, Angela married her high school sweetheart, who at this point was playing pro football with the NFL.
This threw her into the limelight; Living the lavish lifestyle that one would expect in that circumstance. To the outside world, she seemed to be living the perfect life, a fairy tale if you will, except that she wasn't. She was riddled with self -doubt and insecurity in an unhappy marriage that often had conflicts and with no real sense of direction or purpose in life. Eventually her life imploded and fell apart. Today,
She shares her journey of healing and rebuilding.
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Why don't we start at the beginning? Why don't you give us some of the background? Where did you grow up and how did you become Angela? Well, thank you for having me first and foremost. I really, really appreciate it. Anytime I have the opportunity to connect platforms, I am just, I'm ecstatic. To answer your question, I've always been Angela.
Now, I didn't always know I was Angela, but I've always been Angela. And I think that one sentence resonates with everyone. Like we don't always recognize who we are, what we have, but we're always still that person inwardly. So my story begins obviously, which is what most people want to hear about is the former lifestyle of being married to a national football player once upon a time.
So I was a former New York Giants and Denver Broncos player. I want to go further back before we even get to that. Yeah. Yeah. Before we before we even get to that. Because you didn't that wasn't like you didn't you weren't born in like, OK, I'm going to I know that's the I know that's the highlight, but I'd love to get a little background as to how did you. Well, excuse me. It's not the highlight. You know what I mean?
Okay, okay, so in Augusta, Georgia Angela Stone is actually my maiden name. I'm still undermined. Okay married named Marshall This very mischievous yet talented young girl who is very creative Musically just naturally musically definitely drama field. I've always before they even coined that term drama queen. That was me So I am
The person who is rooted in faith and belief was raised by my incredible grandparents while my mom was finding her way and solidifying her journey through this world. Started out with that, had lots of loving family surrounding me. I just didn't really know that because of course, as having family, sometimes the banter and the discord that can come along with that can be a little bit challenging.
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But it was all good. I have a very loving family, had a loving family, have a very loving family still. The support is wonderful, has always been there. Started out loving to sing and loving poetry, loving to write and read. Now I didn't want to do that necessarily in school per se. You get your grades and all of that. However, being a lover of words,
Now that I am a writer and then I'm a ghostwriter and I help people publish their works and I write speeches and different things, I can tie back into being a youngster and just loving words. I mean, just coming alive with the, with reading and everything. Had a pretty decent childhood. Didn't necessarily know that I was among the percentile of being borderline poverty.
Because when you have your knees met and you don't know about the extras, I guess so to speak, it's like, yeah, I'm living a good life. I'm living a great life. Yeah. So, you know, then you fast forward to, I guess I can go ahead and jump to elementary school. That's when I started finding differences, I guess, if you would. I guess how they say you don't really see color per se or you don't see differences until they're brought to your forefront.
And I started having a little bit more bullies, a little bit more sadness, a little bit more depression, I guess, if you would, elementary school, had this amazing fourth grade teacher who helped me, helped guide me through a lot of that, a lot of the different, I guess, low times in my life being the color that I am, the light skin that I am, and then mostly
African American environment, whether it was the schools, the churches or whatever, it was just very different. And I know it's like a hot topic because most people feel like, well, you were treated better or potentially you were treated better or you looked at better or whatever the case is. But I myself during that time did not see it that way. I did not view it that way.
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So I was, I was sad quite a bit, not like all the time, but quite a bit, I would say, because of just not really having the identity of loving deeply who I am and who I was, regardless of color, regardless of hair, regardless of what people say or whatever. So that was obviously, that was a challenge. It was a struggle. Then you fast forward to high school, which is where I met my, I guess some would term it as high school sweetheart and then with.
be my future husband. That was a challenge. It's like when I look back over the different stages and the different levels of my life, I feel like I was always trying to find something externally instead of being seated internally. It was like, I mean, it was like, it was a constant battle of
I'm trying to get people to like me, then I'm trying to get people to accept me. I don't really accept myself. I don't really, I don't really know myself. So it was just like a constant battle. And I think one of the attributes that drew me to my boyfriend at the time was his confidence. And I think that's synonymous a lot with the whole sports world, which is why I'm so immersed in it. And a lot of my tips and tools and different things that I speak on.
It ties into sports because sports is about resiliency, right? It's about losing and winning. It's about failing and succeeding. All of the things that you go through in life, inevitably that help you to overcome obstacles and adversity. So high school, it was a challenge as well. And then of course, it was one of those things where you still trying to figure out why.
where was it gonna be, what direction is my life gonna take? Well, I mean, now the person that I know is gonna take, it's gonna go in whatever direction that I lead it in. But I didn't know that then. Yeah. So it's just - Okay, so when, so first of all, I can really resonate with that and my -
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My journey is similar in that I started looking externally for like teachers approvals for, so I went to art school. So I had the, when you create art, what you create is externally here for everyone to kind of see, right? So the idea of being critiqued or being praised for that. And so I really, really, I think a lot of people can really resonate with that trap.
If you if you will okay, so high school sweetheart, how did you guys like what wouldn't you guys? Get in move get married like give me give me the next phase Okay, so then we were introduced by a friend of a mutual friend of ours and it was I Don't know. I think because I was yearning so for love and for attention and he
showered that and then also I was looking or thought I was looking for this power that could empower me and I felt like he was that so it was it was it was a very very bittersweet journey and I still give him credit and attribute a lot of where I am today even through what some would say a pretty
challenging divorce and all of that. I still attribute a lot at that particular time, even though in my book, I labeled that portion as rags, but I did that as a play on words because my book is reality to rags to riches. And a lot of people were like, well, why would you label that as the rags as opposed to during the NFL life, the rags, why wouldn't that be the riches? But it's just, it's what
helped me to really broaden my perspective, enlighten my trajectory to the true riches in life. And it has nothing to do with glitz, glamour, brands, labels or whatever else. So. Yeah. So how old were you when you got married? 23, 23, 24. We dated for about six years before we actually got married. Yeah. Okay.
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So, and how long were you married for? Six years. Didn't quite make that seven year itch. So, I guess what started to happen when you were married? Because it sounds like even though you were living this like on paper fabulous life, you weren't really settled into yourself, right? You were struggling internally. I can honestly say that for my part, it was all me.
Like I refuse to say he did, he didn't do, he said he didn't say this happened during our relationship or during our journey together. Because regardless of all of that, if I wanted to overcome, if I wanted to see it in a different light, I would have. So I really believe that me not
having the balance and the boundaries, just everything that I needed emotionally and mentally to seek me into the person that I am today, it was a huge factor in our disagreements, in our discord, in our dysfunction. Because I do believe, now I'm not advocating and saying that when things happen to people, whether it's any form of abuse verbal,
physical or whatever, like, okay, we're asking for it because you don't love yourself. I don't believe that. However, what I do believe is that, you know, sometimes we, or I, I put myself in a situation to where I was not feeling the best. I wasn't feeling the prettiest. I wasn't feeling the strongest. I wasn't feeling the smartest. So my energy, everything surrounding me was off.
So I don't believe that there's a way that we could have had a successful relationship. And I'm not saying that a successful relationship is one without problems or issues, but I do believe that some of the things, like the big things that we had in our relationship, I don't think that if I had been stronger, if I had been wiser, if I had been more balanced, I don't think it would have been issues. So we just had a lot of...
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turmoil and then the limelight and that lifestyle it doesn't When you're all mixed up and you're having problems anyway, that doesn't offer you Any type of solace as well. All it does is it actually heightens it and so that's what it did It just heightened all of my insecurities everything that intimidated me me intimidating myself me being You know like a ball of nada having any confidence in myself. It just brought it to the forefront. That's all
Yeah, I mean you said it earlier if he you were attracted to him because he became like your confidence in a way, right so That's like a lot of power to hand over to somebody else. Yeah, right and And a lot of pressure for him as well to be the holder of that So there's no way in that dynamic that you can feel
empowered when you literally like are handing and go, hey, here, it's in your hands. And but we do that all the time. I mean, I can certainly relate to moments where I've done that. And not just in romantic relationships, like a boss, a teacher, a friend, a parent. Yeah. Yeah. Like very often we
put this need of approval or our self -esteem is wrapped up in trying to get some reaction from somebody else, trying to get some - Validation. Some behavior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I get it. I get it, girl. I get it. So, okay, so things are not good. Things are a little rough and you're not feeling fully empowered. What was like the bottom for you?
children we have two children I guess I skipped that part we have two children and at the time I think they were 9 and 11 and when I sat them down to say hey mommy's not happy daddy's not happy not sure which way this is gonna go you're both at an age in which you can decide what you want to do and then I like I knew he was going to be at the time I knew he was gonna be the more
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sound parent financially and everything for them to be with. So it's like I was having this conversation with them to say, Hey, so if you want to remain with your dad, as I make this next step in my life, I'll be more than, I'm not going to argue with that. And without blinking or thought, both of them were like, when do we leave? So I knew at that point, like, good Lord, like,
My children, they're tired of him, they're tired of me, they're tired of us. I knew it was just weighing so heavily on them. And even though my ex at the time was advocating for counseling, I had just had enough and I was done. And I had told myself, I do not want to go any further as this man's wife. I don't wanna go any further in this relationship.
I needed some stuff, I needed to figure out some things for me and I needed some time to get myself together. And I did not think, at the time I did not think that I could do that while still being married. Yeah, were you aware, because obviously you're reflecting, right? So hindsight is always 20 -20, right? So at the time, were you aware of your stuff or was it like this mother or was it like?
Like you knew that I'm like, okay, I gotta work on some stuff over here. I knew I had to work on some things for me, but it was, unfortunately, it was a mixture of both. It was like, I'm sick of him. I'm sick of this. He didn't, he didn't. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. So it was a mixture of both at the time, but now I can sit before you and your audience and your viewers and I can be honest and say,
own my stuff. Like everything that I did that attributed to a horrible marriage, an inadequate marriage, a failing marriage, I own it 100%. Yeah. That's why this podcast is called the ownership game, right? Because as when we get an ownership of that stuff, then you can do something about it. Then you can go off and do the work of empowering yourself, empowering others as you're doing.
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It's really the first step. So I love that. I also want to go back and acknowledge you for something. I think that's really big of you to have that conversation with your kids and actually give them the choice. What a risk for you to take because it had to be scary, right? Because you're like, I don't want them to say. I'm going to be honest with you. It wasn't scary. It was, I was very sad because as a parent, like you want your children to feel comfortable and confident.
you know, this parent can take care of me or this parent is going to give me everything that I need, going to feed into me and give me whatever I need for me to be my best self. So I felt inadequate. I was feeling a little sad from that perspective, but had they said they were going to stay with him, remain with him, honestly, it probably would have been.
as it relates to the financial piece, because I knew we were gonna go through the divorce, I knew it was gonna be rocky, I knew it was gonna be some rough patches, which there were. So I would have been okay. I would have been okay knowing that he was the more financially stable parent at that time, and that all of my children, if that's the sacrifice that I needed to make, like they weren't gonna be with me all the time, but I would still be, and now it's not like I was gonna be a hands -off mom.
We just would not be under the same roof. Yeah. Yeah. No, but I just, I think what I'm trying to say is that it takes maturity to also do that because there is an emotional component to that, right? Like not being under the same roof for a mother, it's like hard and that you were willing to have them be empowered in their choice. I just think it was really cool of you.
I just wanted to acknowledge you for that. Thank you. You're very welcome. Okay, so you go through the divorce process and it sounds like it was tough. At what point did you begin your journey of discovering Angela? Like how did that come about and stepping into Angela?
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So our divorce was final in 2000. I filed for divorce in 1999. It was final, final, finalized in 2000. My mom became really ill, received a terminal diagnosis in 2013. I'm sorry, 2012. And then she actually died in 2013. 2014, I then started on this journey that I'm on now. And it was just...
Looking back and reflecting over her life my life different things that had happened from I guess maybe when I was like three years old until 2013 when she died and I just decided I was going to start putting some things in place so that I could set myself up my own or be my own boss on my own time just become a greater version of
this shale called Angela. Yeah. So, so, so it sounds like you were still in the struggle of not knowing who you were for quite a while afterwards. Yes. So that's really interesting because it wasn't like in my mind, I had made up a story that it was like, she got out of the relationship and
transformed and it's really, it's actually such a good thing to point out, right? Cause there was still the work to be done. I tell people routinely and all the time, even though you are better in certain areas or you grow and you evolve in certain areas, it is still a problem area or potential. There's potential there for issues in that area.
It's not like, even though I'm supposed to be like this motivational speaker, this inspirational speaker, I do not wake up like positive penny every day. Every hour of every minute of every second is not me. Ooh, let me pull this affirmation or let me pump this positivity into myself. And then I'm full speed ahead. No, sometimes I have to pause. I have to pull back in order to propel.
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And that's, I mean, that's key for people to know. Like I don't know anyone from the highest of the high to the lowest of low to where it's just like you are just walking in your purpose and your passion and just blissful all day, every day. It is about really capturing your mind and bringing it into subjections to say, I don't feel like it. I'm going to do it anyway. I don't like this. I'm going to move forward anyway.
I don't see light at the end of the tunnel now, but I'm just gonna keep digging until I see it. It's about really forging yourself, facing yourself and forging different areas in your life for you to continue to move forward. So no, that was what, the divorce was filed in 2000 and then it's like 2013, that's like 13 years out. And even now you look at 2024, like there's still remnants of different things to where I'm just like,
Am I ever gonna learn this lesson? Why do I have to keep taking this test over and over again? Mm -hmm, mm -hmm, mm -hmm. It's so good what you're saying, though. I love this conversation so much because I find that, I mean, I do this too. I'm gonna speak collective we when I'm saying this. We often get in this mindset that we should be...
transformed that we should be done, right? Like I already learned that lesson. And so what very often happens is I see this with my clients all the time. It's like they have a breakthrough in some aspect of performance and or they come to me because they're overwhelmed, they're in reaction, they're in the world is ending, help me. And so
we get to work and they start to experience relief. They start to, okay, great. Things are moving again. I'm not underwater anymore. And then they have those moments where something goes off, something happens, cause life will life. And then the reaction is like, it didn't work. I'm back, I'm still broken. I'm still like, whatever. It's like, I don't know. Like you.
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What it is really is the ability to come back to that. It's not that that won't ever happen again, but you now have the ability to come back to that and bring yourself back. And so when you go off course, you just come back home. You just come back to yourself, but you're never done with that process of always coming back home, because life will life and you go off course. It's just part of the game. Absolutely.
I just, I don't understand people's mentality when they think like that or when they, even from the other side of that, when people will say, I've arrived, arrived? How do you arrive when there's so many more levels and stages and steps to be taken? You only at the bottom of the next step. That's right. That's where you've arrived. You're at the bottom of the next step. That is correct.
But I do, I think we're kind of obsessed, like we think that success is like this linear thing. And we're obsessed with like that, the final scene of the movie, right? The hero in the mountaintop with the girl and the last chapter of the book. So I always tell people when they're going through stuff, it's like, this is great. This is like.
the middle of your book. What do you think? It's not gonna be an interesting book if you're not overcoming a challenge. So when you write your book, this is the stuff that you're gonna struggle with to overcome. This is great. It'd be a pretty boring book otherwise. Always getting ready for the next thing. Yeah, love that. Okay, so let's go to, I love to get into how you began the process of
finding yourself or getting yourself empowered? Like what were the tools that you used? What was the process that you used? The process is what I call the four D's and that is to decide. First thing I had to do. I had to deal. That's the second D. Everything that comes along with that, whether it's friends, family members, my own brain, issues, whatever. You gotta deal with it.
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then you have to have the determination. Like no matter what I'm dealing with, whatever I've decided that I'm going to do, I'm going to do. And then you have to be okay once you arrive at that destination because sometimes, yeah, you've arrived at the destination, but it poses more obstacles or more adversity or it throws you a curve ball.
Like maybe you've achieved this goal and then you have some friends that have the green eye monster or you have now your marriage is on the rocks or your relationship is on the rocks because of the time that you spent when you decided that you were going to do X, Y, Z. So there's always avenues that are going to challenge those four D's deciding.
dealing with everything, your determination, there's gonna be different things in there, it's 4 a or it's 10 p I wanna go to sleep or whatever the case is, there's always gonna be issues. But I am fully a fan of those 4 Ds because every time I look at them, I'm like the main one.
is decide no answer the main one is deal no answer the main one is determined no it's the destiny no it's all of them like every single one is important and you have to hone in on each one and make sure that you're really strengthening each one of those every single time for every single thing that you're going to apply those tips and tools to yeah i love that because
I find that a lot of people don't realize so much of the game is just making a decision. Like it really is a choice. Like suffering is a choice. You know, avoiding is a choice. There are so many aspects of our life that if you make the choice, like we...
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We operate with the external circumstances, right? And so it's like things happen to you, but you always have the power to choose, decide how you're going to respond now, how you're going to go about it. And people often take their, it's an area where people don't have ownership very often, right? And so they get stuck in this reactionary world where things are just constantly happening to them and they're waiting.
for the right time, for the right circumstances, for the break, to win the lottery too. But when you make that decision, and here's the thing about that, it's like, you don't know. I mean, you said it, right? You get to the end and then you're gonna discover a whole lot more stuff that needs to happen, that didn't go right. And I think that's what people are avoiding at the end of the day. It's like, cause if you make that decision, well, now you gotta be able to stand by it and do the work.
and then deal with the ups and downs that come with that and deal with the circumstances that come as a result of that. So that's really good, I love that. Yeah, it's crazy, like I don't understand our fear of confrontation and not just confrontation with other people, but the main person is that person in the mirror is always confronting myself, is constructing myself. I don't even know where that was embedded in me.
probably one of like maybe five things like I haven't been able to trace like why am I so afraid of looking at Angela noting this and then saying, okay, but let me do this or let me do that. Like I don't even know where, you know, I don't know where that came from. Your brain is wired for it. We're wired for avoiding discomfort and pain. Your brain is always trying to protect itself.
And one of the ways that we survive as humans is approval. And like to a child, losing their parents' love is the most threatening thing possible. So you fall into these patterns of trying to get approval, trying to get mommy or daddy's love, and it just plays out into adults. But I think what I love about what you speak on is that it's...
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It's a choice, right? Like even in the face of that. And I love that you were like, I don't know where that came from. And I'm still going forward. And that's also a really important lesson because a lot of us kind of stop and try to figure it out. And a lot of us will focus inwardly to go, well, what's wrong with me? And what you're really saying is like, okay, well, I don't have all the answers, but I'm still gonna take action, right? I don't have all the answers, but I'm still gonna move forward towards my goal and figure it out.
on the way, which I love because it's such a powerful, because here's the thing, you don't even know what there is to deal with until you take some steps and you can have a different perspective. That's right. If I'm climbing a mountain, well, I can't see that there's a big gap up there that I'm gonna need to go around from this perspective, right? I have to get up there to find what the next challenge is going to be.
So it's so important to just get in action and make that decision as you're speaking about. I love it. Awesome. So how did you, where did your passion for empowering others come to like got born? Because so it sounds like you were kind of focused on healing yourself and finding Angela, coming home to Angela. How did that turn into helping others find themselves?
I guess most people just instinctively go to others for their problems anyway, or for some sort of solution or, Hey, what do you think about this? Or what do you think about that? And a lot of times, whether it was friends, family members, colleagues, connections, just in friendly conversation, we will be talking about different things. And when I would give a certain perspective and this will
also tie into the name of my company, how I came up with, in other words, by Stone. So we will be talking and then the person that I'm talking to would say, so in other words, you're saying X, Y, Z. And that was said to me so much. It was like, so Angela, in other words, you mean this, or in other words, I should be doing this. I'm like, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. So when I founded my company in 2016, that's how I came up with the name, in other words, by Stone.
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And I just decided being able to speak from that platform of, in other words, is going to be really impactful. It's going to be really powerful. Out of all honesty, I did not realize that my reach would be as broad and as global as it has been. I guess I should have once I put the story life of an ex NFL wife on it. However, I knew.
that I had something very, very solid as long as I could continue to be transparent. So being transparent and being authentic about my ups and downs and highs and lows and like when people come to me and they're like, like I'm going to do a entrepreneurship workshop here next month at a conference. And I don't know what they're expecting, but I'm assuming like a couple of people that have interviewed me on
entrepreneurship and they're like, well, when did you fall in love with entrepreneurship? I'm like, I'm not in love with entrepreneurship. I'm in love with freedom, free to be me, my time, my efforts, just my skills and being in service. But it doesn't mean like, again, like there's this better roses or like everything is hunky dory. That's not the case. Like I just refuse to give up. I refuse to give out. So being able to
align my story with those that resonate, that it resonates with. Hey, that's just, that's a bonus because to me, that's true legacy. It's not just about being able to leave books behind or DVDs or whatever, soundbites and stuff. It's more so when I impact and influence and inspire and illuminate someone and then they can then take the tips and tools and they take my words or they take whatever the energy that I'm.
that I'm presenting to them and then they make a better life for themselves. Like that's like I'm so ecstatic and I'm so happy. I know the I know the feeling well. I'm so ecstatic and I'm so happy to be able to just share my journey, share my share my story. Most times people when we're when we're conversing, getting to the product is not even like what are you trying to sell or what are you trying to get people to buy into?
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to me is not as important as the words that are coming out of my mouth to be able to help change somebody's life. Yeah. So in other words, what you're saying is that as you were seeking out your freedom, you created freedom for others. Correct. That's right. Yeah. I love that. And again, it goes back to
that idea that you don't have to have your stuff together to be a person of impact and to be moving. Cause I feel like that's another leadership myth that people feel like they, like my stuff is not together. So I can't stand in front of other people and like talk to them about their stuff. And it's quite the opposite to me. It's like, no, because your stuff is not together and you're owning it.
and you're putting it forward, it creates permission for them to do the same. It creates permission for them to, you mirror for them what it looks like to be fully authentic in your power while not being perfect and being messy and all that. And realistically, who does have all of their stuff together?
Going from the Steve Jobs to Oprah to whoever you can name that we figure is like the most together person ever. I'm sure there are areas of weakness and there's areas of personal development for every last person that I name. I think Oprah has it pretty together though. Okay. I just asked him a question. Don't talk about Oprah.
Okay, okay. Oprah, if you're listening, baby. We're ready for you. I'm sure of it because it's just about every person in a position of impact and influence have talked about their struggles.
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and struggles like the things that they're still going through. And I think that's just so societal driven, like with everything else that a fake image, fake this and fake that and whatever else. And it just, it gives us all, it makes us feel inadequate. It makes that whole comparison thing with the, you don't look like this, you don't talk like this. If you haven't done this, if you don't, then you're not worthy or whatever.
And it's just such, it does such a disservice. And that's one of the reasons why I, one of my platforms that I speak on is live vicariously through yourself. Because just because I was married to a former football player, and yes, that life was great, but my life is great now. And not just, and it's not because of a disconnect with him because I'm not an advocate for divorce at all. I, my, the way that I handled
My relationship, I have friends now that have been married for five, 10, 15, 20, 30 years, whatever. I would never in a million years say, hey, this is what I did. So you need to do X, Y, Z at all. I just believe that the more authentic you are with your story, the more transparent you are with your story and with your truth. You really, really help people. And it's not about a do this, mirror me, mirror my life.
But that one, what do they call it? One stop shop or one size fits all and all that. Cause I mean, I get asked so many different things with my journey, whether it's my physical fitness journey or whatever. And I'm like, this worked for me. It may or may not work for you. And I'm not telling you to do this word for word, line by line. Like you have to take what I'm saying. You take those four D's and then you mix them up.
and you make them work for you however they work for you. Yeah. One of the biggest moments in my transformation and in my leadership was the moment that I was willing to stand in front of people and be messy. And so when I started public speaking, I don't know if this happened to you, but I used to start sweating.
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I would, and I don't have any hair, obviously, so there's nowhere for the sweat to go but down. And it would just be dripping. And Angela, I'm talking about like puddles on the floor. Like people would be so uncomfortable, they would come give me towels because they could see that I was just, and because I felt like I had to get people's approval or earn their respect, I would wear suits.
and I would get sued and tied and buttoned up. And so I was sitting here sweating through my suit, through my dress shirt. And the moment I figured out this thing, when I started to go up in front of the stage and I said, hi, my name is Gary. I'm really nervous right now. I wanna make sure that I do a good job for you guys. And I'm really nervous. I'm gonna start to sweat. And I have this towel with me and I'm gonna lute the Van Droz through this.
and wipe my sweat every once in a while. And two things happen, right? Number one, the moment I said that, I was free. Freedom. I was free. I was no longer sweating, right? Because what was happening before is I was sitting there sweating, trying to pretend that I'm not sweating, trying to hope that they don't notice that I'm sweating, trying to...
And so it just became like a magnification upon magnification. The moment I just put it out there and what's the interesting thing. I mean, this was like, we're talking about almost 20 years ago now and the world has changed a lot since then. But I remember professional speakers at that time, professional speaking coaches would say, that is the worst thing you can do. Walk to let them know you're afraid, to let them know that you're nervous. And I had to say,
that's not true for me, right? That's not true for me. And so getting in that stepping into that then, and so the first thing was I was free the moment I did that. The second thing that I was not expecting was I immediately had the room. The room connected with me immediately. There were, cause who couldn't relate to that?
43:49
Right? Who couldn't relate to being nervous and being, and immediately it was like, Gary, no, you're doing great. And give Gary a hand. And it turned into like, everybody was rooting for me now and they felt connected to me. So I think what you're saying is just so powerful that finding your authenticity and owning it and just being who you are and being willing to be in your mess and in your not perfection, right?
It's such a beautiful, powerful lesson and it frees people up in such a big way. The truth will set you free. Yeah. One of the biggest lies in my opinion that has ever been told is the truth hurts. To me, the truth does not hurt. The truth heals and the truth helps. The reason why we think the truth hurts is because we've been told so many lies.
prior to finding out the truth or the truth being revealed. Now, I'm so hurt. No, it was 10 lies, five lies, 16 lies or whatever, all the lies that built up to the truth. So yeah, I'm a big proponent of that. The truth truly does set you free. One of my very own original sayings is when I tell my truth, their lies don't matter.
I love that. I love that so much. Yeah, I know. And it's, I think it hurts if what you're committed to is holding that image in place, holding that construct in place. But if what you're committed to is...
freeing yourself and honestly looking at yourself and looking at where can I grow and what's next for me and how can I continue to be a better version of me, then it doesn't hurt because it's valuable information. Right? It is necessary. So 100%. You can't, you can't, you have blind spots unless you're being mirrored by something or someone. It's 100 % necessary. You can't transform without it. Yeah.
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Well, Angela, this was a lovely conversation. I so appreciate you coming by and opening yourself up and sharing so much of your story and the wisdom that you've learned from these challenges. I think that a lot of people can really identify with that, just that journey of creating.
finding yourself through life, trying to find yourself as you, and you go, is it this diploma? No. Is it this marriage? No. Is it the money in the bank account? No. And just going about life, trying to find yourself, I think is a really powerful lesson. And I'm so grateful for you for finding yourself and being able to share your value now with so many people. Thank you so much again for having me. And yes, I 100 % agree.
being able to find what you're seeking is huge. And you have to understand that along that path of trying to find whatever it is, whether it's happiness or joy, which we all know, well, maybe not everybody, but eventually if you're on that enlightened path, you're gonna find and see that everything is already within you anyway. It's just a matter of, as you mentioned earlier when we were speaking,
Choosing, choosing it. So thank you again. I mean, this was definitely one of the top five podcasts that I've been on. And having the conversation because having, I think having someone whose energies and just their light resonate with you, it makes it so much easier. And it is like just two old friends talking and we've never met before.
Yeah, no, absolutely. Those are my favorite interviews when there's that synergy there and that like -mindedness. It's fun to have those conversations. All right, my love, don't be a stranger. Come back to the show soon, okay? Always. Bye. Angela's story models so perfectly the power of taking ownership. At its essence, ownership is about taking personal responsibility.
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Responsibility isn't about blame or fault. It's about you declaring to be the author of your story. It's about being willing to look internally and look at the role that you played in all situations. It's about taking the lessons learned from each setback and implementing them, doing better next time. It's about choosing to find the empowered interpretation in all circumstances.
Angela demonstrated this over and over again in her sharing today. She wasn't blaming her ex even though the divorce was ugly. She was looking at herself and what she brought to the table, how she contributed to the dynamic, and all the while honoring all the contributions that her ex made to her life, even though it ended poorly. Something else that really struck me about Angela was her authenticity. I often say this,
you can't transform that which you are hiding. Speaking the truth is the first step in healing, in forgiving, in transforming yourself. Angela's willingness to be transparent and share her mess not only gives her access to her transformation, but it gives access to others as well. Her willingness to be a mirror creates the ripple effect of healing for others trying to find their voice. And as a result,
she ends up having a profound impact in the lives of so many. As always, thank you so much for joining us this week. If you've enjoyed the episode, please, please, please, it would mean so much to me if you could share it with two or three people in your life. If we work together, we can get this message out to as many people as possible, creating our own ripple effect of empowerment. I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening to this episode of
The Ownership Game with your host, Gary Montalvo. Make sure to like and comment on your favorite podcast platform, as well as subscribe so that you never miss an episode.