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I ended up losing the gym and I ended up living in my car and I had a smart car at the time. So it's not like it was a big station wagon. I was in a little tiny smart car and I lived at my, at a rest stop or 95 for about three months. Absolutely lied to everybody. My family, you know, where are you at? Where are you staying? Oh, I'm staying at a friend's house. My friends, where are you staying? I'm staying at my family's house.
I was embarrassed, you know, that I lost business, I didn't have any place to go, I didn't have a backup. It was just a bad time.
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Welcome to the Ownership Game with Gary Montalvo. What would it take to get into the driver's seat of your life and leave your mark? The Ownership Game starts now. Imagine losing absolutely everything. Like living in your car absolutely everything. Like losing your nephew, niece, mother, and father all within a few months of each other type of everything.
And in the face of all that despair and hopelessness, and in the face of the most awful timing in the world, you get a glimmer of hope. You meet the love of your life. And this is the kind of love that comes only once in a lifetime. The stuff that movies are made of. And you and this love start to build a life, a business, an empire. And despite all that you have been through in life, despite everything that has happened, life has never looked sweeter. Because with this love by your side, you know that anything is possible. And then, in the blink of an eye, they're gone. And you lose everything yet again. This is what happened to my guest today, Kelly Kirk.
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So Kelly, why don't we start at the beginning? Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself and what's your background?
Okay. I am 55 years old. I the good part of my life after college, pretty much having everything go right. If there was a job that I wanted, I was able to get it. I worked for the Redskins. I sold medical devices into the operating room and the ER.
Just kind of everything always went right and about 15 years ago, guess, karma or whatever you want to call it, kind of stepped in and said, so, not so fast. Let me, let me throw you a couple curveballs. Two of my best friends and I that I grew up with decided we wanted to start a gym health clubs. had a 40 ,000 square foot health club here in Northern Virginia. It was a fantastic idea. None of us had the experience to do it.
And long story short, it didn't work out the way that we had hoped it to. throughout that process, we ended up splitting up. I took over the business. The business ultimately failed and that business failing, although one of the harder things in life for me to kind of deal with was also sort of the catalyst, I think, for a lot of stuff that's happened and where I am now.
What was happening during that time that having you be challenged with the business? The economy was bad. We were running a business that didn't have a great reputation to start with. I was ending a relationship. It was just kind of a combination of everything. The other big things that had happened in my life was in 2009, my nephew and niece were 11 and 12 years old and they were murdered by their stepdad in their
Oh, that was in 2009. The gym was struggling. was the first time that I really saw this gym community and the people at the, at the gym come together as a family and not a business. wasn't a lot of people that were paying me $25 a month. It was a lot of people that are genuinely caring about me and my family and what was going on and the tragedy that we were going through. So it was definitely an eye opener from a mental health standpoint in this, this gym.
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I'd always grown up working out being athletic, but that was really the first kind of mirror back at me showing me the type of people that are there and how they look at me and what they feel about the whole community. So that was a struggle about four or five months after my nephew and niece passed away. My mom passed away suddenly. She was elderly and in and out of health, but she passed away. And about 30 days after my mom passed away, my dad was diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor.
Oh my God, Kelly. made it about a year. So in about 18 months, I lost those four people all at a time when the gym was struggling. We were trying to figure out, we going to stay open? Do I file bankruptcy? Do we lose it? What do I do? I'm going through a rough relationship and the relationship was ending because of the business stress was a lot of it. The financial issues and during that time, I would say a few months before the gym ended. I mean, Sophia.
And Sophia comes walking into the gym one day to get a membership. She had seen me at a bodybuilding event. I worked for the NPC and the IFBB, the people that put on the Mr. Olympia and a lot of the local shows. So I expedite there and I'm backstage and help people line up and do stuff they do. And she had seen me at a show and had come in and wanted to join the gym, but also meet me. And I'll never forget, I'm taking her around the gym and she's 10
100 pounds this tiny little ball of fire and I'm walking around the gym and of course I'm trying to be the cool gym owner. Here's this cute girl. Let me show you this piece of equipment and this is how you do your leg extension and she's acting like she's never seen it before. Oh wow. She knew more than I did. So I laugh now because I was completely getting played by her but in my mind I was the cool tough guy. Let me show you all this stuff. So anyway we hit it off as the gym started.
Failing her and I started spending more and more time together and dating. I ended up losing the gym and I ended up living in my car and I had a smart car at the time. So it's not like it was a big station wagon. I was in a little tiny smart car and I lived at my, in a, at a rest stop or 95 for about three months. Wow. Absolutely lied to everybody. My family, where are you at? Where are you staying? Oh, I'm staying at a friend's house.
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My friends, where are you staying? I'm staying at my family's house. I was embarrassed that I lost business, that I didn't have any place to go. I didn't have a backup. It was just a bad time. I was overweight. I was unhealthy mentally and physically. And Sophia just didn't care. She believed in me 100%. Maybe you're going to get this back. We'll figure this out.
You'll have another career. I mean, at this point I had so many different careers since college. I graduated with a degree in communications thinking I was gonna do radio or TV or something ridiculous like that. And I ended up, I worked with Renskins, I worked for the NPC IFBB, I told you I sold medical, a lot of sales stuff, a lot of different businesses. So I knew I had a lot of options, but I didn't really know what I wanted to do. And she just believed in me. Were you lying to her about what you were saying as well?
No, she knew I would lie some but for the most part I didn't have to. She was in a position where she was staying where I couldn't come stay with her. There were nights that she was renting a room in a basement with the family so there were nights she's like, over everybody's in bed and I'd up and park down the street and sneak through the window like we're 15 years old or something. But she was the one person that I didn't need to lie to and she just didn't care because he believed in me being able to put things back together and
and figure it out. What had you not like what had you hide that from people and not lean into because it sounds like you had people around you. It sounds like you had family around you that were concerned and checking in on you. And and and I think it's kind of want to dive into that a little bit because I think that's something that we often do. Right. When we have a failure, we hide. Right. And so what was going on for you in that moment that you weren't willing to? I think I think stupid pride.
What was a lot of it? Embarrassment. I had put everything on the line to open up this gym and this business and I lost everything. Now going into it and knowing that's a risk is very different from having that risk become reality. Everybody knows when you go into business, this is going to be tough. could lose everything. That's very different from
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having it actually happen and stick it out until the end and watching trucks drive away with all your equipment and not having a place to live anymore. so there was definitely some embarrassment on that. Was I not smart enough? Did I not work hard enough? Is it my fault? You want to blame everybody, but at the end of the day, it's my responsibility. You know, the buck stopped with me. That was part of it. I think was just the embarrassment with my family.
There was some ashamed feeling. Again, I started this business. This is he's going to be successful. This is what we're to do. And it turns out it was none of that. And yet with Sophia, who I hadn't known that long, I didn't feel like I had to do any of that. I was able to be honest and legit. So it was a little bit different with her. She was your safe place. Yeah. Yeah. And that brought us to we had we obviously didn't have any place to work out.
And working out has always been a part of my life since I was 15 years old in high school wrestling, eight pounds. was tiny. I'll never forget my wrestling coach was also my geometry teacher in ninth grade. And I walk in the class and he's going through and he's checking off the list on people. And he gets to me and he says, Kelly Kirk, get here present. And he looks at me and he says, what do you weigh? I don't know about 90 pounds. And he goes,
first day of school, says, go home and tell your parents you're starting varsity 98 pounder this year, I need you. And I was like, yes, sir. No idea what high school wrestling involved zero. That was WWE. You know, I thought I was going to put on a cape and jump off things and get a board over my head. My dad was like, no, it's a little different than that.
I started wrestling in high school at 98 pounds and I started working out because I wanted to put on size and get bigger and stronger and more athletic. But it just, stuck with it. It never, never went away after that. So with me living in my car and going through what I was going through was one of the first times in my life where I was away from the gym. was away from that atmosphere. I was away from me taking care of myself and a few months into
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I have a friend here locally that owns a gym that I had worked with at a previous job. And he said, Hey, I know you guys are not working out anymore. He said, I would actually be willing to give you a gym membership. And I said, really? And he said, yeah, I'll give one to you and Sophia. know the issues and stuff that's going on. He said, but I'll tell you what, the only way I'm going to give you a gym membership is if you are here to use it. And I said, of course. And he goes, no,
So many times we'll give away a membership and people don't use it. He said, I'm gonna give you one, but you have to promise me you'll be here. I said, if you give us a gym membership, we'll be there tomorrow morning. So at 4 .30 the next morning, she and I walked into the gym together and we started training together. And we were trained together before I didn't have a job. So was before she would go to work every morning, we would go in and train, we would meet back at night. Fast forward about six months later.
And six months later, my physical is starting to get a little better. I've lost weight. My chins are going away. My blood pressure is coming down and looking a little better. And what I realized was as my physical got better, my mental got better. And that was a huge eye opener for me. I started to feel a little bit better about myself. I wasn't as ashamed of everything that was going on. There was some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to get a job. I still didn't know what I was going to do or how or where, but it didn't feel
I hopeless. had been at the bottom, I was at the bottom. There's no chance to dig out, this is it, this is where I'm gonna die. And there were times where I was, from a mental standpoint, I was done, I just figured this was it. So being back in the gym and training on a consistent basis for six months, I was able to kind of flip that switch a little bit in my head to where I was able to turn the physical progress into a little bit of mental progress. So that was the first time again that I'd run across that.
Now you said you were, you said that was a six month process for you and you said you were homeless for three months, right? Is it, so how did, just curious how you transition from being homeless to what happened next in terms of your life. So I had a friend of Sophia and I's Sherry who had been at the gym and she pretty much just straight up called me out one day when her and I were talking and what are you doing? I said, I'm living
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my sister and she's like, really? I, I know your family. didn't think your sister really had any place for you to stay there. I was living on the couch. mean, I was at my other sister's straight caught me in a lie and she goes, you're full of black. You need to come stay with me. She had a condo locally here. She was wanting you to come stay with me. You didn't help me or on the house. I've got stuff going on. You can't stay there forever, but at least come stay for a few months until you are able to, to, get on your feet. And that actually
It's funny because that leads into how and why 222 Muscle, my organization that we'll talk about, kind of came about. The name of it came about because of me staying with Sherry. So I'll have to tell you all about that as well as we go through. Was that the number of the building or something? Yeah, pretty close. So about a month after staying with Sherry, her condo flooded and we moved into a hotel.
So the insurance put her up in a condo in a two bedroom hotel suite with kitchen and everything. Right. So her and I are staying in the hotel. We get all of her stuff moved in there. They say it's going to be five, six, seven months before her condo gets rebuilt. Sophia is on her way over the first night to visit. She texts me. She says, baby, I'm on my way to see you guys. I'll be there soon. What room are you in? And I said, we're in room two, two, two.
And Sophia writes me back and says, that's great. Is that on the first floor? No, baby. 222 is on the second floor, which I know there's some argument. Well, sometimes there's the basement and the first floor is a second floor. Yeah. But typically 222 is on the second floor. That's normally what you go with. So it became a huge inside joke kind of about 222. would would pick on her and make fun of her with that.
And then as we went through, she began competing again. So she wanted to get her IFBB pro card and figure her women's physique. So she started competing. The very first competition that she competed in where I coached her was a local one here. And on the shows, they give you a little round button and it has your number on it. And the number is random one through 500 or whatever it is. And her number was 222. she won.
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So we were like, that's pretty cool. That's definitely your number. forward now, six months, maybe a year later, we're in South Carolina at a national competition for her to get her pro card. And she enters two divisions, women's physique and women's figure. There's 1400 competitors. Her number was 222. So we were like, that is definitely our number. I never, ever, ever in a million years thought,
the significance that it would have to me now. To us, was just kind of, that's our number that's kind of a joke. It's cause you didn't know what floor it was on. But now it's obviously taken on a life of its own. So it's pretty fantastic. And it's an angel number. If you believe in that stuff and go look at things, there's all kinds of different stuff. 222 and 444 and 111 and different stuff like that. But 222 is definitely, when I see that number or something pops up, I know that she's around and kind of looking after me.
Hmm love that so How long okay, so you guys she starts competing? You're living with your friend. You guys are getting more and more serious with each other What happened next? How long were you guys together? Well, she was still pushing me you're gonna figure something out. You're gonna figure something out. So I started substituting at a high school, okay and teaching
something I never in a million years thought I could do, but can I relate to some 15 year olds with attitude for a hundred bucks today? Yeah, I can do this. And it will give me time to go look for other jobs and do what I want as well. So I started substituting at a high school here and I got in there and I ended up taking long -term jobs. had teachers that had one that had a heart attack, one had gotten fired. There was different stuff going on instead of me bouncing around from school to school.
I went into the same school every day, had the same kids. was in charge of the grades and stuff and putting it together. And I just kind of fell in love with it. I liked what I was able to, where I was able to relate to the kids. I'm in a Title I school, so the diversity is there. There's 121 or 31 languages spoke at my school. So we have people from all over the world.
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So it's extremely diverse and I absolutely love kids that had been through a lot. I've got kids that have had their dads killed in drive -bys and gang shootings. It's not the entire population there, but it is a portion of the population there. And I just really, really liked it. I never in a million years thought I would be a teacher, but I had been there about a year and they had an opening come up in nutrition and they knew that I had a nutrition background and fitness background and teaching was becoming a background.
And they asked me if I could pass all the tests, the stuff in Virginia, if I wanted to take this on this full time. I was like, oh, teacher. never thought about that. I've never had a job where you go to the same building five days a week for seven hours a day and get the exact same paycheck. It's always been sales where I'm hero to zero. One month I'm making 10 ,000 and the next month you make $10. It's kind of what I've always been used to. So it was different and she loved it. She was so, so proud of me for being able to get that job and pass all the tests I needed to do.
And I took that over and now it's been going on six years. So I've been teaching nutrition at that school plus the year and a half or so that I substituted there. So I had my own class. teach nutrition and wellness. And the great part about that is the beginning of the year is, is more wellness than nutrition. So it allows me to focus on what I do outside the classroom with this mental health, fighting your why leadership, failing forward.
We talked about that. Everybody worries about failing. We want to talk about failing forward. How do you take that failure and turn it into a step forward? We're all going to fail. And then the big thing that I went through and I really push now as a business and as a teacher and as a coach is growth when you didn't think it was possible. And everybody hears that. And at first they think growth, meaning personal growth. It doesn't necessarily have to be that way for me. It was, it was growth. was living in my car, I was at the bottom
barrel, didn't have anything positive going on. And I was able to kind of pull myself through that or push myself through that. And here we are today. But you could also be from a sales standpoint in business, maybe your business was doing great. Now it's not you're about to lose it. It could be relationships, divorce. I've had people that have been through substance abuse gotten out of jail. mean, there's so many different things that we could go through where we all feel stuck at the bottom and
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feel like maybe we don't have a way out. And that's what I try and coach and push is how do we find that way out? And one of them is obviously through the gym and all that. But at this point, seven years ago with her and I, kind of felt like we were building an empire. She is a, was a, on the pediatric dental assistant. So she cleaned little kids' teeth and stuff like that. I was teaching high
We started a nutrition company together where we teach people how to do healthy keto, not necessarily what you see on TikTok and Instagram, but the right way to do keto and why and some of the science behind it and then things that it can do. So we were putting that together. I was working for the NPC and the IFBB working these bodybuilding shows. She was working to get her pro card. She convinced me to get back on stage and compete for the first time in 19 years.
at Masters Nationals a few years ago. I took seconds. So she kind of got me hooked back into that again. So I'm actually about two and a half weeks out from Universe in New Jersey right now. So she got me back into a world that I hadn't been in in two decades and didn't think I was ever going to go back to just truly building an empire between the two of us. thought there was a reason why the amount of things that I had been through in my
They always say, everything happens for a reason. I, and I used to, eh, you kind of believe that you hear that, but I felt like I could see it. You know what? There's a reason why she didn't come into my life before because I wasn't ready for her or I didn't understand what the important things were. Or, I mean, there's relationships where I was the bad guy. I've had relationships where they were the bad guy. was just kind of both. And with her and I, it just didn't matter. We lived in this little world of bodybuilding and fitness
It just worked. It was just on a very, very different level. And for the first time, I could really see us, and I say us as me and anyone putting something together and building it for the future. That's the thing that's really standing out for me in your story that I find that couples, you have like your career and your goals and you have your career and your goals and
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we come together and hopefully some of those kind of support each other in a line. And our shared goals tend to be more about children or spending family or traveling together. But what was really beautiful about you and her Sophia is that you had this vision that was intertwined. Like you had the same.
not just in life and romance, but you also had the same sort of goals. You had shared business interests and you had sort of created a real, like I can see why you're saying we were building an empire, right? Because you were really working in sync to build something and that's really beautiful. I mean, I kind of thought we were on a poor level of Jay -Z and Beyonce, some kind of empire like that. Maybe not quite there, but think my temples were a little bit different.
That's just what it felt like. We were definitely on the same page with everything and everybody, everybody knew it. So we work in a show here locally, a bodybuilding show here locally. And the two women that promote it are two of my closest friends. I've worked with them since 2008, helping to promote this bodybuilding show. And it was a show that Sophie and I worked every year together. This was towards the end of COVID and
Her mom lives in Florida and her mom decided to come up and see her and spend the week. She said, I'll come up and get a hotel room. We can hang out. We'll spend the week together. I know you have a show this weekend that you guys will work at. She says, great. So her mom flies up and they're spending a few days together. The last time I had seen Sophia was on Wednesday morning before she left to work. Gave her a hug and a kiss. I love you, babe. I'll see you one Saturday. The show is going to be
We talked over the next couple of days, she would go to work and come home and see her mom and hang out. And they went shopping and went and had some Italian food and enjoy, just enjoyed seeing each other. And Friday night about, I talked to her about 10 30. And the last text message from her coming then was, I love you. Can't wait to see you tomorrow. We're going to have so much fun. And that was the last time I ever heard from her. Her mom called about 12 30 and Sophia had had heart attack and didn't wake up. There was.
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nothing wrong with her. was nothing, foul play. It was just, it's one of those things that nobody can explain. And to say that that phone call, and I've had those phone calls between my mom, my dad, when my nephew and niece were murdered. I've had those phone calls, but this phone call rocked my world for, there's just no other way to put it. Yeah. man. Kelly.
All of a sudden, So, I mean, how did you, what was next? I mean. Yeah, well, that was, we're coming up on three years now. And I had talked about earlier on, sort of when my nephew and niece were murdered, that was the first time that I saw this gym community kind of come together. Well, this would have been the next time. These people that I worked out with every day, that I went to the bodybuilding shows with, that I worked for the NPC, IFBB.
They just stepped up immediately. Those were our people. people that, and I've talked at different events with a lot of them there. When you go to a bodybuilding event, it's an ego thing. Everybody went through the same diet, the same workout. tough. But let's be honest, at the end of the day, I'm looking at him, Glenn. He's got little biceps. Thank you for saying that, Kelly. Thank you for saying that because all these guys are like, we're trying to be healthy. I'm like,
Nah, you're trying to look amazing. So I literally just had this conversation. Somebody was like, well, do you work out for the health benefits? And I go, well, yeah. I mean, I'm certainly a lot healthier than I was. My blood pressure is better. I feel better. I look better. But I'm like, at end of the day, we all want to look good naked and on the beach. That's what it boils down to. It's just there's no other way about it. Now, is the health part a nice little added benefit? Yeah. But unless you're
battling some disease where you have to go in the gym. For the most, we're all doing the same thing. You're in Miami. So you can't. don't even. You're a judge the second you walk out of your house. Somebody is looking at you going, wow, that's so. Yeah. That's how the bodybuilding world is. But at the same time, these people are just so genuine and so supportive and so with it and the people that we would see at the gym. So it was just amazing. I didn't know what to do.
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So I went to the gym the next morning. I didn't go to the show. I contacted the women, told them what happened. And I came home and I sit here in our bedroom and I'm all in my eyes out and I don't know what to do. And what'd do? I put on my gym shoes and my clothes and I went to the gym with my hoodie up and tears running down my face. And at this point, it's making its rounds through the community and everybody's hearing what happened and found out. But I was like, what else do I do? I do what we
So we're coming up on three years and I still do what we do. I still go to our favorite restaurants. I still go to baseball games that we like to do. I still go to the gym every single day. Going to the gym used to be the best part of my day. That used to be the part where I would look forward to. I would sit in the parking lot and wait for her to get there for about an hour and a half, two hours. I'd listen to music and I'd eat my
and I'm ready and I get out and we dance a little bit in the parking lot and I couldn't wait to go in and have this big work. That was the best part of the day, every day. And I don't miss workout. We don't miss workouts. That wasn't an option. So I still go every day, but there are a lot of days that I pull into the parking lot and I'll sit for an hour because I can't get my foot out the door because I can't, I'm stuck.
I will freeze and it's hard for me to get my foot out the door and walk into that gym and do what I know I need to do. I still do it. I force myself and push myself through it. But what used to be the best part of my day is now one of the hardest things that I do every single day. I wouldn't change it for the world. Those are our people and that's, I like the way that it feels. There's certainly the science behind it with your serotonin levels and endorphins and stuff like that. So I understand all of that
But it's the mental part that is really it for me, is the mental part. So you said, what did I do? I did that for a couple months and I was having lunch with my best friend and he said, you know what, how are you doing? I said, I'm a mess. I said, I want to do something in Sophia's honor. And he said, what do want to do? And I said, I don't know, start a business, something fitness related. And he says, well, why don't you sell?
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t -shirts or supplements and I want to do something meaningful. But I don't know what that is. And he said, well, what did she do for you? And I said, well, she believed in me when nobody else believed in me. I said, she is the one that supported me and believed in me and knew that I could make it when I wasn't sure that I could make it myself. And he says, well, duh, there's your business. That's what you do. And I said, what do you mean?
And he said, you start a business where you believe in other people and you do for them what Sophia did for you. And boom, that launched the Sophia Graham Foundation to to to muscle. And it just has changed everything. And I think we're now still building an empire. She's just not physically here next to me. She is next to me, but she's not physically next to me. Nothing has changed in that sense. And it's kind of just what it's taken up. It's taken a path of its own over the last three years.
that's kind of what I had to do to, I'm not going to say get over it, but to live with everything every day. Yeah. To give it some purpose. Yeah. That's perfect. Yeah. Okay. So many places we can go, but since you brought up the, you're going to say, let's go in there a little bit and what, what's some of the work that you're doing to support people? Yeah. So our mission statement,
is to lift people who feel the weight of the world on their shoulders and to provide improved mental health through the pursuit of physical strength. We are the only 501c3 nonprofit in the world that promotes mental health through physical strength. Mental health is such a huge deal in this world, as it always should be, but definitely has kind of taken a forefront.
Physical health needs to as well. I teach nutrition. I talk about statistics of obesity and diabetes and all this stuff. So kind of merge the two. The physical health was something that her and I did daily. The mental health was just her believing in me. We kind of put this program together. So the initial idea was for us to raise money to be able to provide gym memberships and free gym memberships and training.
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to anybody who has gone through a trauma or a tragedy where that gym membership might save their life. And when I speak at different bodybuilding events, you know, I'll have three, four other people in the crowd and I'll say, how many people in here started working out, you know, cause life was bad. We've all been there. You got somebody dumped you. You know what? Screw them. I'm going to get in shape and they're going to wish they could have me. I got fired. You wait till you see what I look like. We've, we've all done
And you go in the gym and you start working out and little by little you start feeling better about yourself. But that extends to a lot larger audience. There are people that have had autoimmune diseases that are, had substance abuse. Like I said, I've gotten out of prison have had just so many different things, lost somebody and thought that they were at the bottom and they done what I did. They made it into the gym and they started working out little by little. started feeling physically better
suddenly that physical turned into mental and now they're in a very different spot. So when I asked that question, I usually get about 75 % of the audience to raise their hands and say, yeah, I totally understand that. That's exactly how I feel. So that was our goal was to raise money to provide these free gym memberships and personal training to people that are going through a trauma or tragedy. And it's evolved. If you go back about six years ago,
Sophia and I, I had looked at getting certified through John Maxwell, who is the largest trainer for leadership and public speaking, keynote speaking. And I met with one of his representatives and I told him my story about the gym and living in my car and meeting Sophia and us building this empire. And he was like, wow, you have a story. You really need to be part of this. And Sophia pushed me to do it. And I said, nah, maybe it's a lot of money. It's a lot of time. The time he's not right. It sounds good, but
Fast forward the last year in my classroom and in the beginning of the year, a week or two into school, I always tell my story to the kids. I'm an open book and I want them to know everything. I want these kids to know that what I've gone through or what they're going through isn't necessarily different than what other people have been through. So I tell my story last year, September a year ago. And when I told my story, it just hit
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It was still very powerful. It was a room full of 15, 16, 17 year olds and you could hear a pin drop, which doesn't happen often, but it hit different. wasn't as sad, oh, poor me. It was much more motivational and powerful. And I had put together a better method of kind of going through it. So I decided it was time to get a hold of John Maxwell again. So I contacted my person at John Maxwell. I text him. said, Hey,
I think it's time I'm ready to do this. He calls me immediately. I'll never forget this phone call. Kelly, it's so good to hear from you. He says, my God, I am so excited. He said, you and Sophia have the most amazing story. You guys, this is just right. I can't wait to get you in front of people, your leadership abilities and your capabilities. You guys just have the most amazing story. And I said, my story's changed. And
Yeah, I think that hit him like a ton of bricks as well. And I got certified through John Maxwell. I rushed as quick as I could through it. I was doing eight, nine, 10 hours a day studying and learning and going through. And last August, I graduated in Orlando from John Maxwell University and have turned that into another piece of the piece of the puzzle with the foundation.
Two to two muscles Sophia Graham Foundation. We do raise money for people going through that trauma or tragedy where we provide gym memberships, but I'm also able to go into businesses, sports teams, church groups, schools, and talk to people about failing forward, about growth when you didn't think it was possible, leadership ability. So it's a way for me to be able to give something to them. And instead of them just having to write a check to some random company,
They make a donation to my 501 C3. I come in and do this leadership free and I'm able to tie in everything that I've been through with Sophia, with nutrition, with the kids, with my mom and dad losing the gym. mean, those are all leadership opportunities. Those are all places where I've had to grow. And I still work for the NPC IFBB. I still have the nutrition company Sophia and I started. And it's just crazy now because I have.
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I'm a high school teacher. Somebody says, what do you do? I'm a high school teacher, but I have six other irons in the fire and these irons all tie in together. They all talk about nutrition. They all are mental health related. They all are physical health. They all are leadership related. They all are who is this person that believed in you? What is my why Sophia is my why making her proud is my why. And it's just really started to blossom and grow
It's been three years and one of the things that I've, you talk about people, people aren't comfortable talking to you about somebody that you lost. A lot of people are not okay with that. And it's okay. It's, hard for some people. For me, I talk about Sophia 24 seven. I
tour on that crazy guy in the grocery store that would be like, baby, what do think I should have? Should we do broccoli and cheddar tonight? But everybody's not okay with that. I'll have people approach me in the gym. Hey, have you ever tried this machine? And immediately I'll say, my god, Sophia and I love this machine. my god, that's Sophia and I's favorite restaurant. love there. And sometimes people are okay with that. But sometimes you'll see that person go kind of get taken aback. Like, just mentioned his fiancee that's not here. Is that okay? People aren't necessarily sure how to how
how to deal with that. you, I've run across in different grief groups that I belong to and people that I've talked to that have lost their person. And I don't know any other way to call her that than my person. She was my person. you know, some of them will go right back into a relationship. And it seems like men, especially men, will either tend to jump right back in and there's somebody new and they start a whole new life together or
They don't move their stuff out of their house and I'm somewhere in between, probably closer to that second camp. mean, we're coming up on three years and I've never been on a date. the house is still, I've moved stuff around where I'm like, all right, baby, look, I got to move your clothes out of the dresser. Cause I need some more room for my stuff. Is that okay? And I've changed some stuff around like that. But to me, Sophia is still my life. We're still together. She hasn't gone anywhere. I tell people all the time, I don't care what your beliefs are.
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from a religious standpoint, but I promise you, this is not it. There is more than what we see on a daily basis. And I have, one of the things about her, she made an impact everywhere she went. And neither her or I were particularly religious, but certainly open to everything. And since her passing, I walked into 7 -Eleven right across the street from her house here one day.
And I walked in and there's a man in there that works the overnight shift and he's Hindu. About two weeks later, he walks in and he says, Oh, my friend, how are you doing? I said, I'm okay. Very sorry to hear. He shakes my hand. He says, do you know what the Hindu religion says about people that have passed? And I said, no, I actually don't. He says, can I explain it to you? I said, absolutely. I sat in 7 -Eleven at two o 'clock in the morning for an hour talking to this guy who we bought scurries and gum from.
because he was so concerned. And I listened to all this and I took bits and pieces of it. I've seen that, I've heard that, I've felt that. I've talked to my friends that are Muslim, the same thing. I Catholic friends, the same thing. Like it's really changed my, I don't want to say my belief, but it's changed me at the core. There's something about every one of us in this world that no matter what our differences are, we're all still have
the same core belief or still all the same people. And again, no matter what you believe, and if I have somebody who's hardcore Catholic and they sit down with somebody who is hardcore Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist, they're going to have some arguments about the details. I don't mess with the details. I look at this is not it. There is more. And so many things happen.
with 222 with her, I'll be sound asleep, this has happened several times, sound asleep at night, and I'll feel somebody tap me on the shoulder. And I'll wake up and I'll roll over and I look at the clock and it's 222. Really? Oh wow. How did that happen? I've been on the phone with friends and certain lights have turned on and off and different, mean, just so many things have happened where it's not a coincidence. So in my mind and in reality, I'm still with her, I still talk to
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She's still here, it's still us, it's just in a different way, but she's still the reason. There's something really beautiful about the fact that you are allowing yourself to grieve on your terms. Cause I personally don't have a lot of experience with grief myself, thankfully. But from what I can observe, it's one of those areas in life where people
or feel like they want to tell you how to grieve. want to, you got to keep going or everything happens for a reason or like there's all these little short phrases that we just have in our back pocket. And you're right. People are really uncomfortable with the idea of death and being with somebody's grief. So mostly we try to come up with these little phrases to make it feel better and you should move on and you got to be strong and
She wouldn't want you to act, all these little things, right? And so now, not only are you dealing with like your grief, but you're also dealing with like people's expectations of how you should be grieving. And I really just love that you're kind of saying, that, I'm grieving my way in my time. You're taking the steps when you're ready, when they're appropriate for you. And...
And I just, I think that it's just something really great about that. And I really acknowledge you for that. Thank you. Yeah. It's, I don't, people ask me all the time, how are you doing? And I know when people ask that for the most part, they want the answer to be, I'm good. I'm good. Nobody really wants to know. I don't mean that in a harsh way, but in general, Hey, how are you doing? You're doing good. I'm like, I'm okay. I don't ever say that. I say, I'm the same.
I'm the same. making it through and it's, I really know what I was going to say on that. It's, it's, it's what they want to hear. They don't necessarily want to hear something deeper than that. But what I do when I'm able to tell people is I'm a happy person. I laugh at school. I tell stories with my kids. I go to the gym. I have a good workout. I worked these shows on the weekends and
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enjoy that and those are our people and we laugh and I still talk smack about his little biceps and her big butt or whatever it is we're talking about. None of that has changed. I'm a very happy person. I do the things that make me happy. I go to our favorite restaurants. I go to our favorite spots. But underneath it all, I'm sad. And that's never going to change. That doesn't mean that I'm going to go off myself. It doesn't mean that I want the world to end tomorrow. But I'm sad.
I miss her every day and people say, well, it'll get easier. No, it won't. Why would why would I suddenly wake up tomorrow and not miss her or miss her less? That's not going to get easier. And I'm OK with that. I'm 1000 percent OK with that. is what life is. I'm OK. I'm a happy person, but I'm sad. I'm broken. think that's a better way to do it. And you just push your way through it. One thing I want to tell you is the necklace here. So the logo, the way this came about to to to muscle, obviously, I tell you,
But one of these necklaces was actually her necklace and one was mine. So we each wore our separate necklaces. So when everything happened, Sophia was cremated. So I actually had her ashes put into her necklace and then I had them welded together and that's what turned out to be the logo. So yeah, I feel like she's kind of always with me. I always talk to her. I know she would be proud of me with the teaching, with all the leadership stuff, with everything I do with the foundation. I tell everybody.
on a grand scheme of things, if you love somebody, if you care about somebody, and I don't care if it's your person, if it's your mom, your dad, your kid, your best friend, you need to tell people what you want to tell them. Because if Sophia were to physically walk in this room right now, there is nothing that I need to tell her that she didn't know. Nothing. I can't say that about my parents. If my parents come in, I'd be like, mom, did I ever tell you how much
I'm so happy that you were my mom and that your dad, you taught me this and you raised me this way. There are things, there's nothing. Sophia and I talked about everything. I know how she felt about me. She knew how I felt about her. And I just tell everybody, we need to normalize a little bit more of telling our friends we love them. All right, good seeing you. love you. But it doesn't have to be all my god. But everybody just is always on such egg shells in this world. And we shouldn't be because you're not guaranteed tomorrow.
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And I don't ever want anybody else to have to go through that phone call that I've had several times now in the middle of the night. It's just awful. But Sophia changed my life twice. And I say that all the time. She changed it when she came into my life and she changed it when she went out of my life in certain ways, although she's still here. So she's altered my life twice and I'm definitely forever in debt for that. Yeah. Well, Kelly, thank you so much for
stopping by the show and sharing your story and sharing Sophia with us. I think it's so beautiful that you are taking all the pain and not just the pain, but all the ways that she inspired you and contributed to you and really honoring her by continuing her work of like bringing joy and into every room that she walked into.
I think you're very inspiring and I know you're not trying to be, but I hope that I just want to say that to you. I appreciate you and I appreciate you the work that you're doing. love it. Love it. I'm super thrilled to have been on the show. Like said, I've listened to several of them and I'm like, I can relate to so many people that are on here. So I was like, I just hope that I come across kind of the way they did. I love your interview style, which I'm happy to come back as
As the foundation grows and we pick up different stuff, I'd love to be able to come back and share some that with you. So I appreciate it. I like that too. How can people donate to 222 Muscle? You can go to sophiagramfoundation .org or 222muscle .com. Both of those will take you to the website. At the website, they have pictures of us, our story, pictures of other lives that we've saved and ways to donate or be able to buy some merch and bling if you want to rock something with 222 Muscle.
We also coming up at the end of July is there's a bodybuilding event here in Northern Virginia and sponsorships for this are instead of buying a sponsorship, you are actually able to make a donation to the foundation and we will list you as a sponsor. I've got several events coming up in the next year. We have a black tie event coming up next May that I'm looking for some national sponsors to be part of that are really want to help promote mental health through physical strength.
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We have a walkathon coming up next year. We have in February, 222 Muscle Lifts for Sophia, where you're to be doing 222 reps in 222 minutes. So some crazy stuff going on. So a lot of events going on, those are on our website or somebody can just contact me directly. But sophiagrahamfoundation .org is the best way. Great. And we'll put those links in the show notes so that you have easy access to them. Kelly, thank you so much. I appreciate you. Thank you. I appreciate it. This was awesome.
My heart really goes out to Kelly. I can't even imagine what he's been through, the loss that he has experienced. But more than experiencing sympathy for him, for which there is plenty, I'm kind of in awe of the man. The way that he chooses to show up day to day, for himself, for his students. I love the tenderness in which he grieves Sophia. He could have easily gotten lost in the experience of losing her.
But instead, there's a real reverence and appreciation for the brief time they got to spend together. And a commitment to continue to honor her daily. Not just by the work that he's doing in her name through the 222 Muscle Foundation, but by telling her story and spreading her pixie dust all over the place. I didn't have the honor of meeting Sophia, but something tells me that she was the kind of person that spread sunshine wherever she went.
And I think that it's really beautiful that he's choosing to honor her by doing the same. learn more about 222 Muscle, you can visit sophiagrahamfoundation .org. Please consider supporting the foundation by making a donation or by getting some 222 Muscle merch. As always, thank you for taking time out of your busy week to join me. If you've been as touched by Kelly and Sophia's stories I have,
Please consider sharing this episode with two or three people in your life. Together, we can spread this message of love and inspiration to as many people as possible. And I think Sophia would really like that. I'll see you next week.