00:02
So Sharon, I'm so glad you're on the show. It's always fun to have other mindset coaches on the show that we can kind of banter with and compare notes. So I'm really glad that you're here so we can, shit. Good, good, good. So why don't we get some background story. Let's tell the people who you are and where you're from and all the good things.
00:15
Excited and happy to be here. Thank you.
00:26
So my name is Sharon Banias -Refetz and I'm a mindset coach. I work with mamas. I help mamas kind of reconnect and rediscover their authentic self after losing it when becoming a mother. And through that journey,
We see a lot of people, it's not just mamas, it's a lot of people that are nurturing and nurturing and nurturing. I know you work with a lot of entrepreneurs. So a lot of people also nurture their business so much as if it was their baby and kind of get lost within it. And after a few years kind of don't know who they are anymore, what music they like, what colors they like.
01:15
What is their preference? They're so inside the game or inside that routine. So I work with mamas for the past decade. Before that I was an entrepreneur and I also am an author. I have a book and a journal as well that complements the course that I do, the Happy and Balanced Mom.
Sorry.
01:47
And how, so how did you become passionate about working with mamas? I'm gonna assume you're a mama yourself. Okay.
01:54
So yeah, I'm a mom of three. I got three of them. And I was a mompreneur as well. So I was working seven days a week, morning to night. In between, I had my first one and I had my second one and it was the best thing that ever happened to me on one hand and on the other hand, I had no idea what was going on with me. So I kind of lost myself in the way. And that...
02:23
The point of not knowing who I am anymore made me find a way to rediscover and go through different steps of reconnecting to myself and knowing what I want. And it's, you know, part of being a mother with throughout motherhood, you go and you become a victim with time because you're so used to not paying attention to yourself.
And you don't notice your internal dialogue and you're not setting boundaries for yourself. You know, you're used to setting boundaries for your son or your daughter if it's discipline or if it's the way you want them to act in a certain way. But we don't we neglect ourself and learning to show up for myself again and learning to.
understand my desires, what I need, setting personal goals really changed a lot and really helped. And it was wonderful because I was able to help mamas go through that as well. And last year in August kind of shifted my whole business journey. I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, high risk multiple myeloma.
03:44
it was occupying 95 % of my bone marrow. So out of the blue, yeah. So out of the blue from having a little back aches and shoulder pains and things like that, which I thought were just normal. It was high risk, multiple myeloma. After three weeks, I could have, they caught it like at the last moment.
03:48
Wow, that's the wake up call.
04:12
that it got to my bones and that it got, you know, it would have taken over my body. And I am, I feel honestly, more than I was devastated knowing that it was so, so far along, I felt so blessed that they found it because realizing the week after that it was like, it moved the marker, it was supposed to be between seven to 11.
When they discovered it, it was on 933. And a week later, it was on 1300. It was like, I had a week, two weeks, really, really, really fast, and it was at the end of the game.
04:49
so it was moving fast.
04:57
So I shifted and yeah, sorry.
04:59
Okay, well, okay. I wanna unpack that, but for the sake of storytelling, let's go back to, you know, you said that you lost yourself and that you were in this, you just got lost in motherhood and the business and all that. Like, how was that showing up? Like, what was happening in your life that this experience was taking hold? Like, does that make sense?
05:28
I was overwhelmed and stressed. It was like running a marathon without a finish line. That's what I felt. I felt that I just didn't know where to pull energy from. I didn't know where and as a person who is normally positive and optimistic and motivated and I...
05:55
You know, my entrepreneurial journey, I motivated and helped people reach their goals and their destinies. And suddenly when I looked at myself, I was like, what is your goal? What is your destiny? And all I saw was everyone else's goals that I was working for.
06:24
And it was wonderful because it helped me as well. But at a certain point, I just didn't know. You know, I had a little bit of blood in my caffeine system. I had to visit a cardiologist for that one. My heart was skipping beats from the amount of coffee that I was intaking. Yeah, I had a lot of stress. I was working from morning to night trying to be the best mom, the
06:42
wow.
06:52
The best boss, the best friend, I can listen to a wife, I can do everything. No, I couldn't. But I thought I could. And it just wore me down and it started taking its toll on everything. You know, you can't even reach your physical goals when you don't know what your goals are. Because there's so much lack of decision.
07:21
regarding yourself that the goal was not even relevant.
07:26
Yeah. And did you know what was wrong or like, did you articulate it at that point or was it just like, something's wrong. Like you, you know what I mean? Like.
07:40
It was a lot of, what do I do? A lot of that. And because I was pregnant with my third child, there was a lot of hormonal imbalance as well. But I realized through my children,
08:04
the mirrors, like they gave me those mirrors. Like my daughter was like, mom, you never come with us to the pool and have fun. You just sit there. And I was like, hmm, I don't dare to try. And that was like a topic. It became a topic in my book. It became something I wrote about so much because I reflect. I'm a person that reflects a lot and I, you know, more on the philosophical side, but
08:34
I was like, wow, I don't. And it became understanding the need to dare to try again. Because when you go older, you know, I'll get dirty, no, I'll get wet. And then I have to do my hair and then I have to do this and then I have to do this. But you give up on so many experiences and on so many things. So it kind of started with the little mirrors that I got from my children. If it was doing things.
09:06
well, daring to do things. If it was me telling them, explaining to them that they didn't fail and it's just a trial, what do you mean? You didn't fall and you're just trying again and you're trying again. And then I was like, why didn't I say that to myself? And I was like, okay, great, another topic. And I would write for hours and hours and hours. And basically that's how I kind of figured out the
points that I need to pay attention to. And then realizing the stress that motherhood like, the guilt that I carry with myself and the imbalance and the judgment, the criticism. It's unbelievable. And of course, there's so many people in the world, especially people who have a lot on their plate. Doesn't matter what's on that plate.
But if you're a busy person, there's a lot of judgment going on probably too. And a lot of guilt a lot of times.
10:11
Yeah, but I think it's fair to say that mothers have a different cut of it, right? Because you have all that stuff that everybody has in humanity, but then you also have everybody else's stuff, right? Like mothers are the holders of that stuff for the family, right? So you're not, I always say this, I feel like being a mother now, it's so ridiculously unfair and challenging because like,
When I was growing up, a birthday party looked very different than what a birthday party now looks like for a kid. Like, you know, you can't just put up streamers anymore and go to the dollar store and buy like a little hat and they're like, no, the table has to be Instagram worthy and you know, you have to have a balloon arch and entertainment. And I'm just like, okay, I'm so glad.
11:01
Exactly!
11:07
My child was always like, listen, you're going to get a cape from Carvalt and that's what we doing.
11:13
And think about it back then. Sorry, I don't know your age, but I'm kind of guessing that we're around the same decade. So, yeah. So I'm saying like when we wanted something that cost a lot of money, even if it was a jeans that like a brand label, you kind of had to anticipate and wait and you had this build up. And you know, and today it's like...
11:20
Where's this image? Yeah, I'm 47.
11:41
They have it already. So like, even for a birthday gift, you have to like brainstorm on this like, wow, what am I gonna do this year? And what's gonna happen this year? Like there's no end.
11:53
You just reminded me, I don't know if you ever had this experience, but we used to have layaway where you would actually go to the, so kids listen up, okay? When you wanted a pair of jeans or something that you couldn't afford, you would go to the store and you would put it on layaway and the store would take it off the shelf and put it in a bag and put it on a shelf.
11:59
Yes!
12:17
and you would go every week and make a payment on that. You would pay like $10 or whatever it was until you paid it off and you could take it home. You guys don't even know how good you have it now.
12:23
Ready? Say bye bye.
That was awesome!
No, they don't! They don't! They don't! It's so funny.
12:40
You know, everything is so instant gratification today. It's even like Amazon made it even worse, you know, worse. I'm saying I like, you know, you put it in the phone after four hours. It's there. It's like, wow, there there's no waiting. There's no anticipating. There's no anything. Yeah.
12:55
Yeah. So it sounds like you started to kind of pull yourself out of this hole just kind of by yourself with introspection and really starting to engage with the clues and the lessons that were popping up in your life. Right? Is that accurate?
13:17
Right. Yes. And honestly though the one gift that I could say that I have without shame or anything is the fact that I know how to zoom out. So it's very easy for me when there is a situation to kind of zoom out and see all the sides or understand what's going on from a bigger perspective.
13:46
So then when I zoom back in, it's easier for me to, this is going to sound so bad. Disconnect from that feeling because you're supposed to feel the feeling, but disconnect for a moment from the feeling so I can go back it back up and kind of see what I need to do.
13:58
No.
14:04
But I don't think that sounds bad. That's actually, I think, a really important skill set. Not like avoiding the feeling, but you do need to take out the emotion, analyze, and look at the situation. Like I think that's a really great skill set, right? That you're able to do that. Because sometimes we're so deep in the emotion that you can't see the forest from the trees, because you're just in the feelings, right? So I love that.
14:20
Right.
14:30
Exactly. You're right in there and you can't even see what's going on. Exactly. 100 percent. But I could tell you also that even though that disconnecting part is you're saying it's good, I can tell you with the cancer diagnosis that I just realized my journey and the journey that I walk with women is I thought it was complete and so wonderful and so
But the missing piece that I discovered through my cancer journey was self compassion and self love. And that's something that zoom out part of me really works well. So it knows how to zoom out of the feeling too. And, and you know what I mean? And, that is not self love.
15:21
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:25
And that is not self -compassion. And I needed to learn that. I needed to learn that me saying, everyone has so many people have cancer today. Is not self -love. I didn't know that. You know what I mean? I needed to re -understand that disconnecting from what I feel, that's great. That took me into healing and that got me into remission. But now to stay there.
15:37
Yeah, you were just kind of like, yeah, yeah
15:55
I need to really be nice. I need to really work on my internal dialogue, which I've been teaching for years. And that's the thing that you preach something for years, suddenly you're even more aware of how much lack in you there is of that thing. Do you understand what I'm saying?
16:14
Yeah, 100%. And I think that's just the sign of a really good coach. When you are able to put yourself in the student seat whenever you need to, right? There's no place that you arrived. There's no certification that tells you, okay, I'm done learning or I'm done. No, we're at work.
16:42
We're never.
16:44
Yeah, and that's what makes it so that we can continue to teach people and continue to empower others because those are lessons that we have those experiences and then we can learn from them and then continue to share them with others. So I think it's just, it's reboot.
16:59
kind of reboot, reboot, re -energize and continue on to a new path.
17:13
Basically, it's discovering how to stop feeling, not how to stop losing your SH, your poop. It's how to stop feeling like you're losing it. And that's the point. That's where mindset, I feel, comes in. It's... Okay. So situations are going to happen all the time, right?
17:34
Okay, let's break that down.
17:43
blessings or some people will call them curses. I'll stay with the blessings even if they're bad blessings, you know hard blessings. Let's call them not bad blessings, but hard blessings and we're always going to circumstances are always going to be there.
18:04
The question is, where do you get your strength from? And that's where you learn that it should be from your inside and not from outside. Where do you pull that strength from? Where do you pull that balance from? Where do you allow yourself to recalibrate and kind of move forward?
18:28
And I feel like a situation happens no matter what it is. It's a situation. Right. It's exactly like it's neutral. Exactly. Exactly like when you go on a video game. Right. When you have like a harder task to do.
18:39
neutral.
18:56
Sometimes it's much cooler. Right? Sometimes it has like more fires coming out and and things popping up and but if you just saw that thing that situation that you found yourself in in the video game I'm talking
You're like, I just saw that. that's funny. That thing comes down. Great. I'll duck down next time. And then you go again. And then when that thing comes, you duck down. And you keep walking. And you know. And then you go again. And then you go again. And then you go again until you get that tool. Until you conquer the level, right? You get that tool and you put it in your back. Same thing with our life. When we understand that failure is not failure, it's just another trial.
19:40
and that situations are going to come and hard situations are going to come all the time. All the time. Because hard for me is not hard for you, it's not hard for someone else. Everyone has their own kind of hard and their own kind of situations that come, right? That take you out of your comfort zone, that make you feel less comfortable, that make you feel like you're not thriving at the moment.
20:09
or that you need to deal with something. So when that situation comes, the moment you can stop and kind of say, okay, situation, no name to it, situation, what do I need in order to conquer it? What do I need in order to get over it? For me, my first thing when I got diagnosed with cancer was like Joe Dispenza. Go into Joe Dispenza's world.
I'm going to meditate the heck out of this and I'm going to heal my brain and my mindset and I'm going to and I and I made sure that I continuously had that brainwash in the background in order to keep me balanced.
20:58
So I was like, okay, great. This is what happened. I had my moment of crying and then I sat down and I was like, okay, I need water. I need sound healing. I need energy healing. I'm gonna do the treatments anyway. But I know that I can control my thoughts. I know that like I took everything.
21:20
all those tools that I got from all those other challenges and kind of, okay, what do I know? What do I know? And I can show you, I don't have that notebook right here, darn it, but I could have showed you, like I had pages of all the things I've ever thought I need to do if God forbid I would have cancer and what I think I would do. You know, you know when someone else goes through something, you're really smart and you're like, if I went through that, I would.
21:47
Of course.
21:50
Right? So I kind of made a list of all those things as well. I was like, okay, put your money where my mouth is right now and do that.
Yeah, so you know, you're pointing to something really valuable because I feel like humans, we get caught up in playing the game of trying to control the circumstances, right? Trying to control the stuff that happens, trying to control the cancers, the things that pop up, but the reality is you can't, right? You can't really control that stuff, like life is gonna life.
And what you're really pointing to is not controlling the stuff, but controlling your interpretation of the stuff. Controlling how you choose to experience this stuff, controlling how you choose to respond to this stuff, right? That's really where the power of mindset comes in because you can have the same situation happen, but a different mindset would give you a completely different access to how to interpret the stuff.
22:48
Right.
23:00
you know, interact with that situation. So it's really, you know, you're pointing to something really valuable that, that when you, you know, that I think is really the, the, the key to mastering life. Because when you have that ability to transform the context of a situation, when you have the ability to transform the interpretation, the experience, how you look at it, then you really can walk about life
23:02
Right.
23:29
ready to handle anything that comes up. And so for you, that thing was called cancer. And you brought all of that and go, okay, got it. And you had your humanity, right? Like you had your moment where like, okay, you cry, you do what you gotta do, but then you bring all of that to the situation and by doing that, you start to access possibilities that were not there.
23:57
Right.
23:57
a few minutes ago, you start to access new actions that you can take, new strategies that you can implement, right? And then that starts to unravel. Go ahead, say that again. Yeah.
24:05
Right. Because you're actually breathing, right? Because you're breathing. Because you're allowing yourself to breathe. Because you're allowing yourself to take a moment to choose. You're not being controlled by the situation. You're learning how to allow yourself to control the situation. Like you're not putting out that fire. You're looking at it and planning to see what do I need to do to put it out.
And I think all those things that you said right now of like really it comes down to knowing that you have a choice. You're not stuck in any situation. You may feel like you're stuck in it. But our mind and our thoughts control most. I want to say all, but I'm not going to say it because I'm not a scientist. So I'm going to say.
25:01
It's pretty close.
25:06
So basically everything that, you know, and a lot of people think it sounds like abstract, like a theory when you say your thoughts control your reality or create your reality, but it's not because when we have a thought and we repeat it and we repeat it and we repeat it, it becomes a habit. And then when we repeat that habit over and over and over, do it again and again, it becomes a belief.
And after it becomes a belief, right, it affects your actions and it affects your behaviors and it affects your choices and it affects your decisions. So all that after that, it affects your experiences, which means so our thoughts actually affect our experiences and what we're going through. So once we learn.
25:56
Yeah, like if you are saying, sorry, if you're saying you're stuck, that is going to impact the actions that you take. You're gonna take the actions of a stuck person, which are very likely gonna be not a lot of actions because you're stuck. My favorite thing to do when people say that, go where? Show me the stuck. Where is it? Where? Like, go ahead, where, you know?
26:19
I love that! I love that!
26:23
They're like, you know, it's like, you're not stuck. You just, it's an experience that you're having. It's a belief that you're stuck in right now, but you're not really stuck. You can move. Your arms are free, your legs are free. You can move about, like, you know. And even that is like, what was that?
26:36
And our mind is free.
26:41
and our mind is free, and our mind is free. But if you are that you're stuck, or if you are that this is hard, or if you are that I can't do this, or if you are that I'm gonna fail, then you are gonna take the actions that are consistent with those beliefs. You're gonna have the experiences that are consistent with those beliefs. So this is, it's a little abstract because it does require you to...
as you would say, zoom out of yourself and kind of watch yourself, you know? But when you get this, it really is the keys to the kingdom, you know? Because when you have that kind of awareness, it's like a light bulb goes on and you just like have power in any situation. You were gonna, yeah.
27:24
Right. And you understand that you can shift it because you have the power of the choice of it. But before, in order to kind of make that abstract, that theory into more reality for the listeners, I always give that example of like your morning, the way you start your morning. So if you started your morning and
27:52
It just so many people resonate with that's why I keep saying this this specific example, but like, you know, you wake up in the morning if you push the snooze button, push the snooze button, you told yourself you'll wake up at six and you push the snooze button, put snooze on, woke up at the last minute, got ready, rushed through it, hit your leg, put on something quickly, didn't really arrange yourself, went to make coffee, spilled the coffee grinds on the way out. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But you know how.
that kind of morning goes. And if you're a mom, like I could add on, you're trying to get your kids in the car and then they're like, okay, I got it. But what I'm saying like, if that's how your morning goes, when you go out and you get stuck in traffic, that person that's gonna cut you off, you're gonna have so many foul things to say to him. And if you started your morning,
28:45
I heard one of your episodes when someone was reading The Miracle Morning by Hal Elrod. I love that book. That book changed so much for me years ago. But when you start your morning early and you wake up like you intended to and you wash your face and you freshened up and you did your meditation.
and you stretched or you worked out even better or you did your journaling or whatever it is in your routine. And for me, it's after all that, it's going and getting a glass of water because that was one thing that I know was always on my to do list. And sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. So with my diagnosis, everything
from my, yeah, one day I'll do, I had to do. So that's something I do now for the past 10 months. It's like, I would drink my glass of water before my coffee. I go, I refresh myself, I do it. But when I make my coffee, I set my intentions and I spell my coffee. One of my coaching courses was spells and tinctures.
30:09
And the idea is just how to spell your coffee with the intention and while you're drinking it, kind of like feeling that intention becoming infused in you so you're set off for the day. So that's basically thoughts becoming your reality because when you started your morning that way and you're going out to the street and that same person cuts you off, you're gonna be like, gosh, man, I hope everything's okay. Just get to your place well.
30:39
Don't crash, right? Like the thoughts will be different, the way you're experiencing it different and your day will continue in a much better vibe. So it makes it a little bit less abstract, I think.
30:54
Yeah, I've had experiences like that and...
30:55
Like, you're wearing, you put on the glasses.
30:59
Yes, yes, yes. So I've had experiences, sorry. We have, we keep skipping each other, sorry, there's a little bit of a delay. No, no, no, it's totally fine. I've had experiences like this where you, you know, because you're so grounded in, you know, you've done your morning rituals, you're really,
30:59
You put on the glasses of the day, right? Like the color, you choose the color.
31:09
I'm sorry.
31:28
grounded in your intentions and your purpose. And you have experiences where somebody cuts you in traffic, cuts you off or like does something, you know? And like, my respond is really like, well, I guess he really has to be somewhere. You know, I guess this guy's really, he needed to go first, right? Like he clearly needed to go ahead of me because he's in a hurry, you know? But instead of like, this mother! You know?
31:50
Right. Exactly.
31:58
But that's how you know when you're on balance and when you're not. That's a good way to check when you're off and when you're, you know, a lot of times we don't even notice when we're off. But that is a perfect way to find out when you're off balance. When you see yourself like reacting to someone and taking it personal, something that has nothing to do, taking, like once you get upset and you start cursing him,
32:28
You're taking it personally. You're thinking in your head just so your listeners listen. So if you're cursing someone on the way, you're basically telling yourself that morning, you're like, that morning that person woke up and said, I will run into Sharone this morning and I will find her and get on the road with her and I will cut her off and it will be right after she had the worst morning in the world and I will just cut her off and...because that would be personal. So it's, yeah, exactly. And ha ha ha.
33:06
I'm sorry.
33:08
I always tell people, I'm like, guys, nobody wakes up in the morning and says, I can't wait to be in a hole today. Like, nobody does that, right? Like we all start out with the best of intentions, but some of us are really grounded in our intentions and what we're out and some of us are in reaction, flying by the feet of our pants, trying to survive life.
33:18
Exactly.
33:30
And what you're really talking about is really pulling yourself out of that automaticness, out of that cycle, out of that risk of just like surviving life and really putting yourself in a place of creating life and creating the experience that you want to have for life. So it's a really powerful lesson.
33:31
Right, and fight and fight.
33:39
There is fun.
33:48
I think that was, I think in motherhood that you put it perfectly. When you're in motherhood and especially when a few more join in, a few more kids join in, you become, you're in survival state and you're in survival mode all the time. And you need to be, and it's okay that you are because you need,
to pay attention that this little thing that you created is going to survive, right? So you need to foresee anything that's going to happen that may fall, that may hit them, where they're going to fall, where they're going to crash, anything that may harm them. But the problem is we're so used to becoming in that fight or flight and our body's not programmed to stay there. You know, you think of a deer, a deer
something's chasing it, it runs, it's in a fight or flight mode, but once that lion or whatever it is stop chasing them, they continue grazing grass. We don't. We stay there. And as mothers, we don't even notice that that's the situation we're in and we're working on empty. We're running on empty. And I think you nailed it by saying that that fight or flight mode
35:16
Same thing when you're upset. You need to know you're not balanced right now. You're in fight or flight. You're reacting. You're responding. And same thing when you... I'm just taking like the things that you said. When you encounter someone, you said, no one wakes up in the morning wanting to be an a -hole. But I'll say it even more.
No one wakes up in the morning wanting to be an a -hole to you. Specifically. And you know what I mean? And I think that's also something of like when you set your boundaries and you put yourself in that bubble of this is me and this is him. This has nothing to do with me. He had no intention of hurting me. He did, but he had no intention of doing it. I'm just gonna poor thing. Let's walk on.
36:09
Yeah. So let's go back to your story a bit, because I want to just complete that and not leave people hanging. So after you started to have this awakening and you went to work at noticing and putting this picture together of what was happening to you, like what...
36:11
and move on with your day.
36:38
How did you get out of it? Like, what was it? Were you already working on a book? Because you said you were doing a lot of writing. Was your instinct already to, or were you just writing for your own healing process and your own processing?
36:52
writing for me. I was writing for me for my sanity and it became a book. So that became If I May. That's one of my books. It's If I May and it's insights from my life journey to yours and it's just kind of little things epiphanies that I got from motherhood and all that brainstorm that went with it. But that was not your question. Can you repeat your question? I'm sorry.
36:55
Okay. Yeah, got it. Yeah.
37:18
Yeah, so after you started to put all this together and have these insights and having your life and your children mirror these lessons for you, so you were getting these wake -up calls about what was going on with you, how did you then put it all in action? How did you go to, what happened that you went to, yeah. did we freeze? Let me put a, okay, let's try that again.
37:37
Gary, I'm sorry. I didn't hear anything you just said.
I didn't hear anything you just said. Yeah.
37:48
So after you went to work at reflecting and you started to discover these lessons and you started to have your children mirror back to you these lessons that you needed to implement, like what was next for you? What did that implementation look like and how did you kind of take all that information and then transform your life with it?
37:48
Okay.
38:14
So I could tell you that for me, anything that I'm told is harder that I tell myself is harder for me. So I do things in baby steps, everything in baby steps, even when I needed to lose weight after pregnancy. It took me a few years, but like a couple of years, but it was taking the baby steps to first noticing. And I think that's the biggest thing is realizing where you are.
And that's towards everyone in anything. So you realize where you are and then you need to pay attention. Like how did I get sucked into it? Where did it come from? What are the things that I know? Like what would I tell my daughter to do? What are the things we don't?
Gary, I'm going to start again on this. Okay. I'm sorry. We're going to cut out this whole part. I kind of my, my brain, I wanted to be like precise that I wanted to. Okay.
39:12
Yeah, OK.
39:18
love it.
39:30
Okay, so the biggest thing that for me after realizing, becoming aware, and by then I was already working with women. I was working with mamas. This was after the book came out. The reflections started. My reflections never stop. I always write and I always, because I understand that when I write I'm able to
When I'm not able to zoom out, that allows me to zoom out. So that's my zoom out when I can't do it anyway. So once I noticed where I was and I saw all the things that I have not been doing well, and because I am my worst critic, my worst critic.
I started learning the things that I needed to do which was like being nicer to myself and having a nicer and empowering inner dialogue.
It was creating the thoughts and the life that I want. So it was like, OK, great. You're not happy now, Jaron. Great. What do you want? What is it that you do want? What do you want? And I wrote down and the biggest thing that I wanted was just ease.
and joy. I just want to be happy and I just want to like have things come with flow because you know when you're in your zone things just like work out and everything just comes perfectly. That's how I want my life. No matter what challenges I don't want to block out any challenges. I don't want to block out any situations or any harms that are supposed to come my way because this is my journey and this is my path and this is what I need to learn.
41:23
I want to be able to construct things with ease. And I want to be able to find my happy within all that. That silver lining.
And the way I do that is through baby steps. So for example, if I want to, I started telling you before that when I wanted to lose weight after my second child, it took me a year. But at that year point, I was 70 pounds overweight. I first needed to.
at things and read up things and brainwash myself on the biology of it because that's how I work and I needed to start stretching in the morning and I needed to do calf raises in the bathtub to kind of make my mind understand that I'm going to start working out and so I do like little increments of those big goals that I have I tear them down to the tiniest tiniest thing
42:30
to get myself, my mind, accustomed to them. And then I take it another step. And then I get my mind accustomed to that step, and then it can leap. But I just kind of first have to get the idea set in my mind, and then I have to take a taste of it, try it, see how it's, okay. Now I know where I can put that in, or if I'm not gonna put that in, or.
42:57
That's a really smart strategy, because essentially what you're doing is, it doesn't activate the fight or flight because you're sort of desensitizing the brain to, okay, we're gonna go in this scary place, but I'm gonna give it to you little by little so by the time we go there, it won't be as scary. It's a really smart strategy.
Because so often we feel like we have to go gung -ho all the way.
43:24
Thank you. I think.
Exactly. Exactly. And once you realize that the thoughts and everything, it's the same thing with our words, because our words is basically thoughts that have a little bit more effect. So something that I can tell a lot of people, the biggest things that affect you today, no matter what you're going through, is the way you are translating it.
43:29
Did I lose you?
43:57
what you're choosing to put your focus on. For example, I'll break that down. If I have a doctor's appointment in a week, I can stress myself out till then. Or I can just say all those things that would have, could have, should have, may have happened and may happen once you understand that all those things are just made up.
you understand that you can make up a new story and make up a different story. Any translation is our translation is a made up story that our brain made up due to past experiences, things we went through, people we know, or an experience that was similar that, but even an experience that was similar doesn't mean that it's going to be the same. So.
paying attention to your thoughts, paying attention to your words. Your words have so much, you have to be, have so much intention and, I'm going to die. That has an effect on you. And telling yourself when you're in a hard road saying,
I got this, I can do this, that has an effect on you. So your thoughts, your words, your intentions, those are the biggest thing in my opinion and the way we translate.
45:29
love it. So as we wrap up, how's your health? How are you doing?
45:38
I am in remission and complete remission. I reached the normal zone after six weeks, which they said was impossible for me. And I told them, was there someone that did it? And I said, yeah, there's like two to three percent that react. I was like, OK, I'm going to be there. And then so in six weeks, I got back into the phase, into the area where I was supposed to. And after four months, I was
45:50
Wow.
46:08
in remission, considered in remission. And when they did the biopsy after six months, it was considered complete remission. So from 95%, I moved down to 0 .0022%, which is yay, but it's not all the way. I still have another biopsy to go through and hopefully it's gonna be, not hopefully, it's gonna be on a complete zero.
46:26
Wow, congrats.
46:36
I love it, when is that coming up?
46:39
In August. End of August. So that'll be in my cancerversary.
46:40
No, I guess okay. So this will be... Cancerversary. So this will publish before that. So everybody listening, take a moment to send Sharon some real love and healing energy and light that the 0 .1 % that's left in there gets out. It does not belong in there.
47:00
Thank you.
47:06
Yes! Yes! Amen. Amen.
47:11
So as we wrap up, I know that you have some goodies for the listeners and if you want to share any way that they can get in touch with you or work with you, I love to leave them with that information. I'm gonna put all of your links and ways to reach you in the show notes as well. So if you don't feel like you have to.
you know, spell anything out, I'll be specific, we can put that information there, but I do want them to just hear from you in a few words.
47:42
Thank you. So they can go to sharonheffettconsulting .com and that's my website and they can find all those things. But I'm also going to, you'll have my link tree and it'll be in the notes and there you can download, there's a mompreneurs guide to balance and happiness. That is about inner dialogue. So mompreneur, not mompreneur, it doesn't matter.
You can download the inner dialogue ebook. There is also, you can find there an ebook on the victim mentality, Letting Go of the Victim Mentality. That's also a free ebook. You just download. And the nice thing is whoever goes in and does download one of those ebooks, I will get note of that. And then you'll go into a raffle.
and you'll receive the thing that came today in the mail. My new journal. I created during my treatments, I needed to find my busy, keep myself busy. I created something that was in my head for five years. So it's a mama journal. And you have in the beginning, a self assessment and every day, every, first of all, every month you have a little bit of a blog.
48:41
Yay!
49:05
And a continuation of that blog would be in my website. And you have different things, how to plan a month, a week, and for each day, it's undated. So you can pull it out, do it a month, put it back in, and then pull it out again. And each day you have different daily things that would have suggested mindfulness, suggested affirmation of the day, exhale the bullshit, inhale the good shit.
daily check -in, make your peace, aha moments, and just a way to keep yourself on track. A way to keep yourself accountable. And so I will raffle one of those off and whoever goes in there will raffle one and I'll send it to you. I'll reach out and... Right, exactly. Just came out right now.
49:53
head off the presses.
50:00
So fun. Awesome. Well, it's been lovely to have you on the show, Sharon. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom and your insights. It's always fun to talk mindset with other coaches because it's like, yeah, yeah, like this, like this.
50:19
Yeah, I love it.
50:21
I wish you all the luck in the world in your journey and continued health to you and your family.
50:31
Thank you so much and thank you for having me.
50:35
Absolutely. Take care.
50:36
I appreciate it.
50:42
Yay.